Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Paranormal Blog

OK, so everyone has been asking for a paranormal blog, so here it is: CLEAR  Please share your stories with us and I promise when I feel better I will share some more of ours with you.

Friday, March 23, 2012

For Your Viewing Pleasure

I thought you all might enjoy the guy that came to fix my floor almost as much as I did so I snapped a picture for you. I also got caught doing it by the other guy who announces "Hey, I think she just took a picture of your ass!"  I forget to turn that damn flash off all the time.  So since I was already caught I just fessed up and answered "I sure did, I don't get to see man crack in my house that often, I might want to look at it again later tonight when I am alone". Demon Seed who was standing beside me almost died of embarrassment, damn you would think that kid would be use to my mouth by now!

This Is Why You Don't Have Drinks With Dinner

Since I love noting more than laughing at my self this whole incindent, after the blood,paramedics and a trip to the hospital was over had me rolling in hysterical laughter and morphine. I warn you of the pictures are a little disgusting, but my Fantasy Barbie Critical Care Paramedic Child does not share the same type of humor that my But She's Pretty Child does so all the good pictures did not get taken. Had But She's Pretty Child been there that night we would have had a photo album to laugh over for years. I miss that child!

Considering that Fantasy Barbie and I had not worked so hard on moving we decided to sneak away from the rest of them and go to Yamato's Japanese Restaurant to have dinner. We did and had a wonderful dinner, complete with several drinks. Ok, maybe a little more than several. So after eating knowing neither one of us was getting behind the wheel of a car we called some old co-workers that run the ambulance and requested a ride home when they had some downtime. So they come to get us about 20 minutes and two drinks later. We have our left over food all packed nice and neat in to go boxes to give to the demon children still moving my stuff because we aren't inhumane and did feel a twinge of remorse for sneaking out like that. First move, right off the step I go and fly into the parking lot. Now this is the point But She's Pretty Child would have kicked in with the camera, it would have just been to good for her to pass up. Fantasy Barbie's first thought was to access the damages, causing us to forever lose those important first pictures.

There I was laying in the parking lot, both boxes of food all over me and the pavement because on my way down I had knocked the box my daughter was holding out of her hand too. I am covered in both drinks (to go cokes that we had poured out and replaced with our "real" drinks), so I also smelled like a brewery.  Damages are good ones but not life threatening. Some nice observer guy not realizing we knew this medic crew personally, was getting  furious because they were laughing at me. I'm yelling at Fantasy Barbie to get a good picture of the whole hilarious episode, the little Japanese owner assumes I am wanting pictures for a law suite is running around yelling "no piture, no piture, we do nuting wrong, you drunk lady, you fall on own face" So I decide to play with him and point out he has no sign that shows there is a drop down step into the parking lot, he turns around and mumbles to a worker who runs inside and comes out quickly with a sigh and tapes it to the building. It read "You no watch step you get hert, not our falt"

We finally decide to quite torturing the little guy and left, although I swear he was so hysterical and funny I could have sat there all night covered in Japanese food messing with him.

other knee
hand and wrist
  sprained ankle

I have been fighting my natural urge to call and pretend I am taking him to court just to fuck with him.

The Actual Move

First off I am dropping the My Haven and am now just going to use Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze. No real reason, just a whim and and my house doesn't exactly fall into the "haven" category for anyone. Second the move is over and I can't tell you how proud I have been of The Devil's Advocate and Demon Seed and that rag tag group of satanic worshipers that they hang with.  Although I am not stupid and do realize each and every one of the little fuckers had an ulterior motive, self preservation, they had to make sure the lair wasn't closed down for long which would mean they actually would have to forage for their own food and seek out a place to hang for the night. But hey, I am not above a little satanic slave labor to get shit done.

Being on dr's orders (that will be next post) not to do anything more than wipe myself when I went to the toilet, ok maybe he didn't use those exact words but we all know that's what they mean when they tell you that. I could basically do nothing but sit on the couch and supervise. I did manage to order myself a new bed, I may never leave it, hell this one is so comfortable I may let a man in it it some time. With the pug and the chihuahua's permission of course. Since the chihuahua hates everyone that has the ability to breath and a few stuffed animals that don't I will most likely not have to worry about it.

Actually considering it was done by a group of demon teenagers, the move went smoother than any move I have ever had.

I am just glad it's over.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

The Move

I have been trying to get an upstairs apartment since I moved in here 5 yrs ago. I have had many chances over the years but have had my heart set on one apartment, the one directly upstairs from the one I live in. Yes, the one the Redneck Neighbors From Hell lived in. So I waited for it. I love the fact that the pool and tennis courts are close, my mailbox and trash bin are close and no matter what window I look out I can only see woods, no apartments. I love opening my bay windows and seeing trees instead of some old fat man in his underwear thinking he is sneaking to the trash bin and no one can see him. Why upstairs? I feel safer. I like to open my windows and unless the circus is in town there are many walking by that can just look in. I want to sleep with my window open and in my deluded mind I think I might hear a rapist if he climbed the balcony since I have two useless dogs who don't really give a shit if someone comes into my house, they just raise hell when they leave. I just hope they have enough sense to get out of the way when I decide to shoot the sonsofbitches climbing in the window.

Finally last week it all came to a head, she pulled a gun on him, he pulled a knife on her and I am not sure who's head went through the wall. By the time the two pit bulls, one his, one hers got finished defending their respective masters it was a mess, the police were there and I was already arranging the furniture in my mind. The next day management called and asked if I still want the apartment, after they fix the walls, get the blood out and replace the carpet. I would have kissed the man but his wife was there and she is bigger than me and I pretty sure she could outrun me. So we are moving this week, transfers should be easy from downstairs to upstairs, right? Yeah, not so much.

Power Company-Got to give this people credit, all they needed was a date, no transfer fee.

Water Company-Great, they only needed a $20 transfer fee and available on the date I need. Paid and ready to go.

Cable Internet-First day I talk to Scott who tells me there is no transfer and he is available to move that one wired either March 11th or 12th. All day, any time I chose. When I called back the next day with the time all at once they don't have a Scott that works for them and they can't move it until March 14th. I let it slide because that was the day I wanted anyway. Just wonder where they stashed Scott's body.

Gas Company-The first day I called was great. No transfer fee but could I call back the next day with the info their computer was down.  Not a problem.  I call back. Now my gas bill is only $22 and not due until March 18th, this is only March 10th and I am moving March 14th. She then informs me that I will have to pay the bill before they transfer. My question as to why since it isn't even due yet fell on deaf and stupid ears. Oh and did they tell me about the $25 upgrade in deposit I would have to pay? Why I asked since my bill has always been paid on time and I have had business with them since 1983, I paid a deposit then of of $125 so why would I owe more with a good record? Well she says in her nasaly voice because they have raised their rates back in 1999. I ask her why I would not be grandfathered and if they did change then why did it take them all these years to inform me of this? I have moved several times since then. Of course she didn't know. So I am not happy but agree to pay. Then she tells me the total is $97. Now I don't care where in these Appalachian Mountains you went to school $22 and $25 dollars just don't add up to $97. She giggled and informed me she must have forgotten to tell me about the $50 transfer fee. Remember the one one that didn't exist the day before? I called her a few choice names, paid the damn money and left. At least she can turn it on on the date I need.

Then we come to DirectTV, my old nemisis. This time I had the upper hand, contract was up, the dish is already placed on the upstairs balcony where I am moving. I have movers connection that moves me for free. The idiot has to move one single wire. So fresh off my anger with the gas company I laid it on the line. It could be done my way or I go to Dish. Simple. They ask what my way was. I told them I wanted my flat screen mounted above my fireplace free of charge, whole home HD DVR system and I was not paying for the two extra HD DVR's. Really shocked when they agreed, but disappointed too because I still had that fight in me and I didn't get it satisfied with them.  Oh well at least I get new electronics to play with that no matter what I do I will never understand.

So as of now I will be moving upstairs away from the robbers and rapists on the 14th. My sons assures me that we could stay downstairs and be perfectly fine because anyone looking in our windows and seeing me in one of my lovely night wear outfits, zonked out on Ambien, a Chihuahua attached to one hip and a pug laying on my chest would pass right on by us anyway in a dead run. I don't trust them, what if the rapist has a Betty Boop fetish and actually likes my sleep shorts? With the blanket covering the lower part of my legs and me laying down they wouldn't be able to see the sagging skin and wrinkles until they got in here. A hard on isn't that easy to get rid of!

We are having a moment of silence for the animal print shit on Tuesday at 2 pm if anyone cares to attend. Right before I put it all in the mail and send it to But She's Pretty child. I am more of a flowers and wreaths, country kind of decorater, since I grew up on the farm when I was a child.  A 2 million dollar house in the suburbs does count as a farm doesn't it? If you own at least three dogs,one cat and have a lake?  Back to the animal print. Before my husband and I split and when we bought our last house nothing do But She's Pretty child but to decorate her room in African animal prints. She had a very big bedroom with a small sitting room off to the side. That damn room held a lot of animal print stuff! Then she grows up some, meets an attorney who has better decorating sense then she does, moved in with him and left it with me. When we sold the house during the apocalypse of the divorce I got the animal shit.  Since I had gone on a rampage and like a fool busted up a lot of the pretty stuff(actually anything the ex louse has bought), I was stuck with it.  So we move to this apartment and it isn't a small apartment. So I drag out the animal crap and it has been in my living room until last week when I redecorated back to my country roots(lets make it clear here that I do draw the line at farm animals). Over the years I have been so teased by But She's Pretty child about using the stuff, which I might add she now thinks is hideous, and have had many failed attempts to get her to take it with her when she visits. I have decided to send it to her by UPS. She doesn't know it's coming. Just for added effect I may send it to the law office.


Angry, so, so angry!

You think there has to be a limit as to how much you can take. But it seems like someone forgot to set that limit on my family. Last month we buried my 26yr old cousin who was killed in a car accident.  A year ago my grandson died due to a cord incident at birth. Two years before that we buried my niece who came down with a simple cold in December and died the first week of February.  Before that it was my own son. Now today I get another phone call, my cousin, who's mother is the sister of the girl that was just killed, hung himself last night, he was 35yrs old and left four beautiful kids. How stupid and selfish could he be? I want to grieve for him but I can't all I can feel is anger. The other deaths were out
of our control, no one could stop them but this, this was a choice he made. How do you grieve that? How do you feel anything but anger when you look in those stunned children's faces who are too young to even know what is going on? How do you tell all those little children that all the arrows being slung at their own mother and accusations that she is the cause is all bullshit? So what she left him, her reason doesn't even matter. I don't know this girl very well, but I do know that no one deserves the blame and guilt being thrown her way. A lot of people divorce and separate, they don't run out and hang themselves over it. It wasn't her fault, the blame lays within him, some coping mechanism he was missing. He was a smart man, he knew the rift this would cause yet chose to do it anyway to get back at someone who didn't love him anymore.

I wake up sick this morning, dehydrated and if I were my own patient I would have my butt slapped in  the hospital so fast my head would spin. Ok, enough feeling sorry for myself and making you all listen to my rant. I have to think of something funny to write.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Late Blogging

I hope to find the time and energy to blog today but thought I should explain why I have been absent and that I am not really ignoring your questions from the last blog. Hopefully today I will get to them all.

My Pug, whom I adore, was scheduled for a routine spay and hernia repair Monday. Things didn't go as planned and then to make sure that Lola didn't get all the attention the other love of my life, my Chihuahua, Tucker, had to throw in his two cents worth and complicate things even more. I am just going to copy and paste from their blogs to fill you in:

Lola's Blog:

As you know Lola went in at 8 am this morning for her spay and a hernia repair to be done at 10 am. I was a wreck and know they got tired of me calling to check on her but the vet staff is so nice they kindly checked every time. I was told at about 1:30 pm that she did fine and was just waking up but the vet needed to talk to me when I came to pick her up at 4 pm. At 1:40 pm my phone rang and it was the vet clinic asking if I could come in immediately that Lola wasn't doing so well. I think I made that 15 mile trip in about 7 minutes, of course cussing every other car on the road. By the time I got there my poor baby looked and sounded awful. Being her first surgery or injury we had no idea she is a free bleeder. The vet said the surgery took longer than normal because of the bleeding and transfusions but she had seemed to come out of it OK. Right after talking to me on the phone she went into shock. They got her to come around but it happened two more times while I was there. More rushing, more blood and more meds brought her back again. Making it extremely hard to get her to wake up. I was so terrified and quickly learned being a nurse flies right out the window when your baby is involved. I was asking some very basic nursing 101 questions, the vet kept telling me to calm down and think because I already knew all those anwers. He was right, I was just in in a panic. They don't have an overnight emergency crew there so felt better sending her home, even when it was with a human nurse. So we came home armed with IV's, pre-loaded syringes and anything else needed to stop a bleeding, breathing or shock incident.  She has to stay warm and I won't let her out of my site so she is wrapped up like a burrito in my lap. I was very pleased when she wanted to get down briefly to go to her paper and pee, got a sip of water and actually ate a few hand fed bites of food. About an hour ago she barked wanting Her Boy to come sit with us, a weak bark but still a bark. When he came she licked his hand like she hadn't seen him for days. A few minutes ago he got up to go to the bathroom, we were shocked when she got down to follow him. I guess even being as sick as she is the bathroom is just too much of a temptation to her! Right now she is doing much better but very, very weak and I pray she keeps on this path.

Unfortunately for her now that we know she is free bleeder she can't go to dog parks, rough house with other dogs or do anything that could cause a wound, scratch or cut, for her it will always be a life threatening event.  She can only be boarded overnight at a vet facility that has a 24 medical staff. So in Mom talk that means Lola will never, ever be boarded and I will never travel without medical equipment.

I do have to praise the quick thinking of my vet and his staff today for saving her life, of course when I see the bill next week I may be the one in shock! I know it is going to be several hundred more than originally planned for but worth every penny to have my baby safe. I do have to tell you this has got to be one of the most beautiful incisions I have ever seen, human or animal. Only another medical person is going to appreciate or understand that comment! LOL

Thank you all for the prayers, good thoughs and all the juju you sent my baby girl today. I also want to thank all her wonderful friends that sent pre-surgery toys and treats for her. I am sure she is going to have a great time playing with them when she feels better. Tomorrow I am going to go see if I can find her some new toys and treats, this baby deserves them after
 all she went through today.

From FB today:

Update on day 2 for Lola-She is weak but we had only one incident of shock last night that was easily controlled. I swear people patients are so much easier to care for but couldn't help while caring for her thinking "my parents would be so proud of that $80,000 nursing education right now" LOL Anyway today she is weak, but has recovered her scream if something isn't given to her right this very instant. She did walk through the house once today before the pain meds kicked in and she crashed face first into the hallway wall. To prevent any chewing of stitches or staples and possible bleeding from it my wonderful vet stitched her from the inside out so the most she can do is lick her incision and won't need to wear a collar. She is much less stressed today but still having some trouble with controlling her body heat, easily taken care of with the burrito roll or a heating pad. The girl will swallow her antibiotic like a champ but the pain pills are a fight no matter how you try to disguise them so I am just injecting them to cut her stress over it. She doesn't mind the injections. She is also curling the tail back up so I know she is starting to feel better. They did tell me today that before surgery yesterday she found a boyfriend, totally fell in love with a French Bulldog named Buddy and didn't want to let him out of her sight. As soon as they put him in the crate next to her they both stopped whining(in Lola's case screaming) and kissed through the bars. They took Lola in for surgery first and he cried until they brought her back. When she started getting so sick he started barking until they came to see what was going on. I guess you can find true love even at the vet!

Tucker's Blog:

If you have read Lola's blog then you know we almost lost her during surgery today. Just as things were calming down some with her Tucker decided to have two seizures, back to back. This has not happened in years, since he started taking phenobarbital. So I have two sick babies tonight. Lola's Boy says Tucker, being the drama king he is, was not about to let Lola upstage him and get all the attention. He recovered fairly fast from the first seizure but the second one was the longest he has ever had. Tomorrow I will discuss with the Vet if maybe it is time to up his dose of Pheno since he also had a seizure about a month ago. I hate doing this because of the liver damage Pheno can cause but we may be at a point where we have no choice.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Things That Go Bump In The Night

I have hesitated to write this post, even though many of my readers have asked me too, for many reasons, the most prominent one being most people are programmed from children to believe that things we can't see or feel aren't real. We are all born with this gift, but life and people change that for us, tell us it is wrong and to stop being silly. People go through life thinking those of us that feel, see or hear things are crazy. Ok, I will give you all the crazy part, but I am not crazy because I can see, hear and feel things that aren't there in your world. I can't see a micro organism but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I can't see grief, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Yes, I know many of you are going to say "You only see these things because you want too". I can promise you that some of the things I  have seen are not something I want to see.

I belong to a professional ghost hunting team and have for many years. We have been interviewed, done clips and have had our work published. This is not a hobby for us, if it was we wouldn't have thousands of dollars in expensive equipment. I am certified and can also teach the paranormal. I even have a PhD in Metaphysics from a respected university. I am not a fortune teller so please don't write and ask me if Aunt Sally is going to get married someday.  I can at times see future events, just not predict them. Your guess is as good as mine, and mine would only be a guess. I don't do spells, I'm not a witch. I am not a demon from hell here to suck out your soul, although a few of my children may disagree with that one.

My very first experience, that I can remember, was at age 3 when I described in great detail to my parents a car accident that happened in front of a Florida gas station. According to my mother I was rather gory in details. A few days later this accident, exactly as I had described was all over the television and the newspapers.

At 4 yrs old the night a favorite uncle died my mother said I was agitated for hours and kept begging her to call my aunt to see if he was alright. Since he wasn't sick she thought I was just not wanting to go to bed and put me off. At 3am our phone rang, it was my aunt telling us my uncle had a major heart attack and died in his sleep. I told her he wasn't going to be alone. Two weeks later my grandfather died also.

I use to play with little girl named Robin, she always came outside and played in my sandbox with me. I always thought it strange that she chose to play in the sandbox in a dress while I wore shorts but I was only 6 so things like that are fleeting thoughts you quickly ignore. I kept telling my parents about my new friend. As we were new in the neighborhood they were very happy I had made a new friend so quickly. Until the day my mother had a conversation with Robin's mother and found out that Robin had been dead for 10 years. They showed me pictures of Robin, her two sisters and some cousins but didn't tell me who was who, I easily picked out Robin as my new friend.

This is very confusing for a small child, I was never sure who was real. But as small kids do I worked out a system. I just ask up front "Are you dead or alive", didn't matter to me, I played with anyone but I had learned not to talk about the dead ones to anyone. Those I kept to myself. This is what society does, it suppresses those natural gifts that children have.

I was a stubborn child, and I admit one that didn't always listen to what I was told so I kept my gift. I liked it and wasn't going to let anyone take it away from me. I was a happy bubbly kid and no one would have ever known by looking at me that I could see, hear and talk to the dead. The only regret I ever had was that I never developed the ability to make one appear when I wanted them to, still can't, I have to wait until they come to me. Sometimes they come at the most inopportune times. Sometimes they don't come alone, they bring others, they have a great desire to be heard and if they find someone who can hear them they can ramble like crazy. I have learned over the years to tune them in when I want and tune them out when I want.

Do they scare me? Not in the least. At least not the good ones. I have encountered very few "bad" ones over the years. As a matter of fact our team is dealing with one right now. My ghosts are usually just happy, just want to tell their story, pass a message on to someone they loved or just extremely nosy. As a rule they are not allowed to stay in my house for long, I send them away, they can come back and visit but not live here. I have made an exception for two of them. Johnny and Emma. Johnny talks from time to time but usually just likes hanging out with us. He also loves going for rides in the car with us. Emma has never talked except to tell me her name, and never leaves the house, but she is totally in love with my pug and I suspect the pug is the only reason she is here. Whatever room the pug is in that is where you will find Emma.

A little about our team. We have 14 members, all certified except three who are in training. Three of us are qualified to teach. We have investigated churches, businesses, private residences, battlefields, cemetery's, hospitals, asylums (yeah, I really don't like doing those!), abandoned buildings, police departments, fire halls, open fields and some of the famous "murder houses" you have all probably read about. All investigations are confidential, we never disclose where we are going or when, onlookers can impede the investigation and it's for our safety as well.  All clients sign contracts before an investigation, just as we do. We never charge for an investigation but we do ask for expenses if we have to travel more than 50 miles from our home office. Two members of our team are Police Officers, one member is a Federal Marshal(so yes, we are always highly armed when working), one member is a Paramedic, I am an RN, one member is a Priest, one member is Film Producer and one member is a Sound Engineer. My son just got his certification this past fall, his gifts are similar to mine. We also have three other teenagers in training who have about another year before they will certify. Each one of our gifts are a little different, but as a whole it works for us. At this time we do not advertise, it is all word of mouth. That may change in the future as we are considering putting up a web site.

Now a little about this weeks ghosts.

 I have a lady, someone's grandmother who will not leave me alone, she keeps wanting me to give messages to her grandson. The problem is she won't tell me who her grandson is and tells me to stop being stupid when I ask her.

I have a 16-20 yr old, sometimes age can be hard to determine, who has very obviously been in some kind of accident that keeps repeating "I'm sorry", over and over again. I don't know who she is or what she is sorry about and can't get her to say anything else.

I have one named Betty, who wants me to tell my nephew's wife she needs to do her dishes and to pick up the boots from in front of the doorway, that her house is a mess. I love this one and find her highly amusing.

My favorite at the moment are Edith and Carolina, they fight with each other like two old sore tailed cats. They fight about the proper way to plant roses, the proper way to iron shirts, who makes the best pies and on and on and on.

I have a little girl, about 8 yrs old, looking for her mother, she breaks my heart. I can't  help her because I don't know who her mother is. Strangely enough, my chihuahua, who hates every thing but me, loves her and gets so excited when she shows up.

I have a young woman who was a murder victim who wants to tell me all about the crime and the guy who did it.  A search of old newspapers in my town verified this murder, the man was caught and executed for the crime many years ago.

As I write this I have one chattering in my ear, sometimes I see them, sometimes I only hear them. I can see and hear her. She wants me to tell you about her, so I will just to shut her up. She is about 5'7" tall, wearing a blue flower print dress I'm guessing from the 40's or 50's, she has two children, both good students and her husband mows the grass every week (sometimes they tell the dumbest things but I guess to them it is important), she has a blue car but really wanted a flashy red one. She likes to bake brownies. She wants to know if I think her new bedspread is pretty (which by the way, I can't see) and she has a cat that sheds a lot but the kids like it so they keep it. She also says one of you readers know her and she wants you to know she is sorry she threw your book away.

So there you have it, I am crazy, but did you really doubt it?

Friday, March 2, 2012

Klonopin is NOT sexy!

First I am worried about being committed. I would not do well in an insane asylum. Too many people there I could relate too.

My doctor in all his infinite wisdom started me on a new medication this week that has turned me into a raving lunatic. If I am not crying about all the wrongs done to me since my days in the womb then I am ready to eat my children. I am pretty sure I could pull off the insanity defense. In all honesty I could probably pull that off without medication but somehow it just makes you feel better to have something to blame it on.

I have sunk to a new low this week. I have this "friend", I have known for more years than we need to discuss here,  who thinks I am wonderful and would make the best wife material. It could be the fact that his standards aren't that high considering his last wife of three weeks was arrested for embezzeling $80,000.00 from a company she worked at before meeting him and is now spending her days as some dyke's new girlfriend. I tried to tell him before he married her that you just can't know someone very well that you met at a Braves game and married a week later. Did I mention he has "fool" written all over him in bright red marker?  My "fool" however is written in a very pretty shade of muted pink. Anyway, I caved, let him spend the night. Of course I did make him feed me first, I'm a lunatic not an idiot. Yes dear friends, I sold out for a steak. When he wanted to stay again the next night I did offer to throw the steak up just to make things even again. I guess even I have to blow the cobwebs out from time to time.

I do have a word of advice, never, ever shave places that were not meant to be shaved while taking Klonopin followed up by slathering yourself in Bath and Body Works grapefruit body butter, no matter how good that shit smells. You slip, you slide and I don't think the satin sheets helped me any. Clutching onto the sheets at the bottom of the bed to keep from falling into the floor while dozing off does not say "Come on Big Boy, I'm ready for more"!

So today we have severe weather and he calls wanting to know if I want him to come and stay with me to keep me from being afraid. Seriously? Does he not think I can ignore the weather in a Klonopin and Ambien induced sleep? In this state I would not even be aware that the wind swept me away and I was impaled on a tree limb 50 feet up in the air. It would only be a minor irritation.

Are you aware that walking down a hallway on Klonopin is an artform not to be tried by the faint of heart? I have perfected the art of bouncing from one wall to another and I am growing rather found of my black and blue bruises. They give me character and match my new gown.

I have been banned from cooking dinner, but with my fast food reputation I don't find that a hardship in anyway. It seems I made one little mistake and now no one trusts me. I so carefully rubbed my pork roast in cinnamon (instead of garlic), placed the rutabega's (instead of potatoes) in the crock pot, also season with cinnamon and nutmeg. Now I am not trusted. Did I mention I fried some cottage cheese instead of hominy? Some people can be so picky!

I did attend Mass, unfortunately it was a Pentecostal church and we are Catholic, so now my church privileges are suspended until further notice too.

I am now headed to the safety of the couch. How much damn trouble can I get into there?