Saturday, September 15, 2012

Award for A Day In My Wheels

No strings, no passing along, no questions. A few months ago you ask how to improve your blog and many responded. Today I went after a long absence to see that not only did you take everyone's suggestions to heart, but added to it and have made a wonderful blog.

Please everyone check out A Day In My Wheels

What If There Is A 2nd Craig's List Killer?

I have never used Craig's list in my life until this week when I decided it was the best place to list a new cell phone I have. I bought the phone and a week later changed carriers. Upon hearing my plans to list the phone Demon Seed had a come apart, his worry? The Craig's List Killer. When I informed him the guy was already in custody his response was "Mom, you have heard about copy cat killers, right? What if there is a 2nd Craig's List killer?" I informed him as gently as I could that the guy would come in here take one look at me in my flannel pajama bottoms with the giant penises on them, see Frick and Frack standing there armed with baseball bats and a huge wrench, be bombarded with sloppy pug kisses and have his ankle ripped out by a chihuahua and decide not only does he not want the phone but he better get the hell out of here before WE kill HIM. I felt safe, he did buy the phone but for some strange reason ask if we could step outside so he could pay me. Guess he didn't feel as safe as I did. I'm sure it didn't help any when I answered the door looking like Cruella DeVille either:

Cruella DeVille, just sorry the penis pants didn't show in the picture.

I doubt this helped either.....The only domesticated Chupacabra known to man

She just wanted a little love...her way

Now why would he associate red eyes as being demonic? Comment #2: If you feel the need to wear those stupid baseball caps guys at least fix your ears so they don't look deformed!

Based on the above evidence I see no reason whatsoever that anyone should fear coming into my house!

I almost forgot the best part of my week. I broke my glasses, well at least the glasses showed up broken, laying peacefully on the coffee table as if they broke themselves. Based on the above character's I am sure one of them murdered my glasses and are in major cover-up mode. So I call the Opthomologist's  office I bought them at because I have only had them for a year and my paperwork says they have a three year warranty for repair and if they can't be repaired they will be replaced against any accident, breakage, scratching or prescription change from the dr. I get this huge run around that they don't have that special anymore. I informed her I didn't care because they did have it when I got mine and it's on my sales receipt. So they hemmed and hawed and took it to the grand jury and decided they were not going to honor it. Pissed barely even covers my temper tantrum. I do almost feel bad that I told the receptionist that she looks like a toad, but she does so that eases my guilt. So then she informs me that my insurance is clear to do my exam and lens now but the frames won't be covered until February and did I want to go ahead and get my lens now? WTF? Am I suppose to walk around holding the lens up against my eyes with my hands until February? So then I come home and make a few calls and find out I can buy better glasses outright without using my insurance. With my insurance one pair is going to be $381 dollars for two lined bifocals, no coatings.  Without my insurance I can can two pair of progressive lens with three no line bifocals, scratch resistant coating and glare coating for $200 at four different doctors. So why the hell have I even been using the stupid insurance? Oh yeah, because my eye doctor never bothered to tell me that little fact. So I won't use the insurance or that doctor but still have to wait to save up the money to get them. In the meantime this blog will be WYSIWYG because even if I see the flashing red line to tell me I spelled something wrong I still can't see what the correct spelling is in the little drop down box.

Now I find myself with another small problem. My cousin died this past week and it may be because I have spent hours and hours on the phone with family but my accent has suffered for it. I have been finding myself slipping back and saying things my children have no clue what I am talking about, phrases they don't understand, words they don't understand. So I think the only way to correct this is to find a redneck park somewhere and go hang out with them for a while. I realize this will probably involve some type of mud sport, duct tape, bobbing for hog's feet, beer and coon hounds, all a scary thought for me but it may just have to be done. I am getting rather tired of hearing "Mom, what did you just say, what does that mean?" Dammit, a loo is a loo, how hard is that to understand!? Please, I beg you to learn it, I don't want to spend a day with the rednecks, they frighten me! Then there is always the chance it will stick too much and I will come out like Honey Boo Boo's family. If that happens I want all of you to hire a hit man and just take me down. Jay this should be easy for you being on the swat team.

I am so glad this heat is almost over, pretty girl's melt in the heat. Which is exactly why I have been rock solid safe all summer but I do still look forward to cold weather. However, I do have two daughters that I may never see again outside of the blob form as both are very pretty. Can blob girls still walk?

My daughter just called and wants us to go to her house(first time she has had a place big enough to invite us, she usually comes here, dorm rooms aren't very conducive to family reunions) in Nashville for Christmas, I can't tell you how many years it has been since I have spent Christmas at someone else's house, at least 26 yrs. I am so excited but now have to figure out if I can swing it financially. I may have to sell either the Demon Seed or The Devil's Advocate. I love them most days but a stress free Christmas for the first time in forever is very tempting. Her fiance is an attorney so maybe he can keep me out of jail if I get caught selling one of them. She is the one most like me, unfiltered and up for anything, I really need some time with her. Plus we would have one whole day and half the night just the two of us. His family is very well off and own a private box at some ball arena complete with catering services. They fly there and they fly back. They want to take the boys(actually they ask all of us but my daughter and I saw a perfect way to be alone so we begged off) and of course her fiance would be there with them giving me and But She's Pretty child a whole day alone to laugh at each other and see who can pull off the stupidest stunt in public for shock value and the boys a trip they will never get another chance to have. Somehow I have to figure this out!

We planned our Thanksgiving menu the other day. But She's Pretty child and I did the planning. We don't mean to leave her sister out of the planning but we have discovered over the years it is a necessary evil we have to do. Fantasy Barbie's entire cooking revolves around chicken, potato salad and pasta, you move an inch out of that field and she is lost. So we gave her paper plates and cups, tea, rolls, potato salad and green bean casserole (even my dogs couldn't screw that mess up). But She's Pretty child is a good cook so the two of us will handle the rest. We tried giving Fantasy Barbie the turkey one year, unfortunately she thought they were pre-cooked and all she had to do was stick it under the broiler for a bit and brown it. It looked beautiful until we tried to slice it and all the blood ran out and of course we found the giblets, gizzard, liver and heart still snuggled inside the turkey in it's little paper bag because she had no idea they even existed. The next year we gave her the ham, it IS pre-cooked and only needs heating, but to keep from making the same mistake twice she cooked the ham for 6 hours, charring it. So we give her simple things now.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Safety In Angels

Have you ever had that one person in your life that makes you feel safe? I certainly never had it growing up. My mother tried to the best of her ability, but she sees the world in black and white and being strict sometimes would override anything else.  My father tried to the best of his ability but alcohol was his first love. Unfortunately both fell short in their abilities because they always let the outside world in first.  My father was a binge drinker and the reason that I hate alcohol to this day. We never knew when he was just not going to show up from work one Friday and not come back for 2-3 day. My mother felt it her "obligation" to hunt him down, not to bring him home, just to know where he was. I can remember many, many nights being pulled from a warm bed and placed in the back seat of the car with a blanket and a pillow while she drove around three different cities for hours checking out all the bar parking lots looking for his truck. I never knew when it was safe to bring a friend to spend the night because I didn't want them to have to be subjected to her midnight hunts. Between binges my parents never fought, at least with each other, but they were always "on the outs", as they called it, with one family member or another. Sometimes several at a time as taking sides seems to be mandatory in my family. A game I always, and still do, refuse to play. So cousins that you saw daily and became close to would one day disappear from your life and it would be months until you got to see them again. Then the feud would swap and it would be different members of the family fighting and taking sides. To this day my mother is so fond of saying "Well we certainly never kept you away from your aunt/uncle/cousins just because we weren't getting along, you were always welcome to see them." Really Mom? So if I had ask to borrow the car at 8 yrs old you would have said "Of course dear, just be home by dinner."  Somehow I don't think that would have been your response, so how the hell did you think we were all going to see each other, we were only children?

My father owned a company and was a building contractor for high end homes. We always lived in the "show house", people were not allowed to come inside but could see from the outside the type of house the company built, but that show home was always meant to be sold at some point when they built another one, which meant we moved about every 2 yrs, sometimes sooner. When I got old enough to unpack my own room I never even bothered to unpack it all, I was just going to have to pack it up again. One of big dreams has always been to someday buy my own house so I would never have to move again. Then I married a military man which gave me 20 more years of packing, moving, unpacking and losing friends. But I still held on to that dream.

Then we retired from the military and finally bought that house. The day those keys were handed to me in May I felt such a relief, finally I would be able to stay in one place. My husband made excellent money as a civil engineer so there was nothing to worry about money wise either. I could finally breath after all the years of ups and downs and moving from place to place. That lasted a month. In June my husband decided he wanted to be a teenager again and while I was good enough to live through the hard times I wasn't good enough to share the easy times with him. He sold my house and walked out the door. So we got an apartment and yet again moved. When I came to the realization I didn't really miss him, I actually liked it without him I decided to buy a house. That is when I discovered he had totally ruined my credit. I was shocked, I had always paid my bills on time, that is something that has always been important to me. I couldn't even get a credit card in my name. So I spent the next several years cleaning up his mess. Now I have insufficient credit, no credit at all, which is just as bad. I don't understand how they expect you to build it back up if they won't give it to you in the first place? Anyway, I ask my mother to co-sign so I would have a card for emergencies and could buy something on it to pay off and build back my credit. Her response was "How do I know that going on a vacation would not be an emergency for you?" I think her first clue should have been the fact that I had not been on a vacation since 1977, but I guess not. She wouldn't do it. My father would have but he is now deceased. So I never did get that card to build my credit up and the dream of one day owning a home is gone forever.

Then my illness got worse forcing me to stop working and making  me totally dependent on my alimony check. It pays the bills and buys food but there is nothing left over. If I file for disability I lose my alimony which is more than my disability would be.  My sons rarely get to go to a movie with their friends or anywhere else that costs money, clothing and shoes for them is a struggle. We need a new living room suit, my sons need new beds but we have adjusted and learned to do without a lot. Someone ask me the other day where I bought my last pair of shoes from, I have not bought a new pair of shoes for myself since 2001 so I couldn't even remember. If anything extra comes up we are in trouble. Never a feeling of being safe.

My sons sperm donar has nothing to do with them, if they ask him for $30 to do something with their friends, take a girl on a date or buy a new pair of shoes they are always told he doesn't have it and turns them down. Yet the next day will post pictures of himself and his girlfriend on a cruise ship in the Bahama's. This year alone he has been on 2 ski trips, 3 cruises, 1 trip to Key West and a trip to Disney Land. Does he not think how this makes them feel? How much it hurts them? Why can't he ask them to go on a vacation with him knowing I can't give them one? None of this even crosses his mind but it breaks my boys hearts and then mine breaks for them. It is hard and it's depressing to feel so alone and that no one cares. I said that to my mother one time and her answer to me was "Well, what do you expect me to do, you should have picked better when you picked a husband. You shouldn't have got sick and then you wouldn't have to live and do without." Wow, Mom never thought of that, but your right I should never have gotten sick with an incurable disease, it wasn't fair to any of us, but it isn't exactly like I can hand it back to them and say "Uh, excuse me, but I don't want this anymore so I am giving it back."

Then someone came into my life due to a catastrophic illness my pug has. She cares. Just talking on the phone with her makes me feel better and she makes me laugh. She has not only saved my dog's life but has helped me in many other ways, some of which she isn't even aware of. To me she is perfect. She has been blessed with something I have never experienced before. A big heart with no strings attached. A loving, caring nature for everyone and everything. The wisdom to say just the right thing to make me feel better about myself. The ability to never judge. She is an Angel and one that God molded perfectly. I can't help but make the comparison that with this big, cold, distant family I have, that this one woman whom I have yet to meet face to face is the one that shows us what love and caring is really about. She makes me feel safe.

I love you Jac, and thank you for being their for us, for me.

Oh and Lola wants Stan Milhous to know that his eyes make her swoon.