How Do You Climb Out of A Funk When There Are Idiots All Around To Push You Back In?

I'm trying to climb out of this funk I'm in, I really am...well me and Klonopin and a few others the Dr has prescribed. We were doing pretty well, chemically that is, until The Idiots showed up. Have you ever looked around at just how many of  The Idiots surround us? They simply are everywhere or else I have a magnet in my but that pulls them my way and refuses to let them go.

This year isn't easy for me, on my birthday is the anniversary of my son's death. It's hard, never gets better but through the years it does "get different" and you learn to cope. If that is the only thing your coping with, add one more feather and the whole pile tumbles. My pile tumbled and now I feel like I am lost under a mountain of feathers I can't get out from under and I can't breath. Damn shame I put that scuba mask one of my lovely children thought his non swimming mother desperately needed one year for Christmas, I could be using it now to suck in the air The Idiots breath. I have decided to call this my Year of Worry, hell if the Chinese can have the Year of the Horse and the Year of the Pig then why can't I have the Year of  Worry? It's been a long year since my dog was diagnosed with hemophilia, and before and of you "dog lovers" feel the need to write and tell me I should have just had her put down then let me politely tell you now to Fuck Off and save you the trouble. When it first happened I said nothing and tried to cover all expenses myself, completely draining my savings. Finally her Angel stepped in and has taken care of just about all the rest, there are a few things I don't tell her about because I feel bad enough that she has paid for so much already. So here we sit, the first year in years that my kids and grandkids have all been able to come home at the same time for Christmas and I can't buy a single gift. Now I know Christmas isn't about gifts, blah, blah. But I defy you to sit there and tell that to a 9 year old who has waited all year on Christmas gifts that you don't have any for them. Not brave enough? Neither am I, that's why I have let this whole holiday bring me down into such a depression that I am worse than Michael Landon on Little House on the Prairie, he cried every episode, I cry every day. So I haven't felt like blogging much, it's hard to figure out a way to get the computer under the blankets while curled up in a little ball and still manage to type. Now for The Idiots.

First I get sick, I have Lupus so getting sick is more or less natural for me but this time it was worse and I ended up in the hospital. Right there on my big red band for meds I am allergic too, in my chart and my verbal communication with the doctor that entered the room is Pt. allergic to Torodal, NSAIDS(which I might mention here is all Torodal really is), Zofran and Penicillin.. So they come to give me something for pain and as he is pushing it into my IV I jokingly said "This better not be Torodal" He smiles sweetly and says "Of course not". Five minutes later as I am vomiting blood and fighting for a breath of air I was pretty sure it was Torodal. I was right. Then we have to have something to counter act the Torodal which left me nauseated. I am assuming Idiot #1 is afraid to come back in so he sends in Idiot #2 with a shot for nausea. I ask as she came in the room "You are aware that I can't take Zofran, aren't you?" She assured me she was and then gave me Zofran in my IV. Now I am not only sick from what I originally went in with I am sicker from them trying to kill me. It took two hours to recover from their medication mistakes so that I could actually be treated for my illness. Then Dr. Idiot has the nerve to come in and ask how I am feeling, obviously never reading my chart to fill him in on the last two hours. He then announces he will "have me good as new in no time". Sadly, I think he expected me to believe him. I looked at my son and told him I had a very strong will to live so we were making a break for it and going to another hospital. Dr. Idiot won't sign my release papers, as if that was going to stop me. So I left AMA and headed for a hospital that chose their staff from medical schools instead of the local zoo.

Second, I stopped working several years ago because of my illness but will go in if they absolutely can't get anyone. I get a call from the first hospital I went to when sick to come in. I think Ok, maybe I can at least keep someone else from being killed or seriously maimed in the name of treatment that night. I was so very nearly wrong. I am first handed off the keys and every dose of medication that leaves that room should be checked off with another nurse to prevent mistakes. I should have know from my own experience that wasn't a major concern there. The first shot of morphine I ask another nurse to sign off on with me caused her to look at me like I was an alien life form that had come to suck out what few brains she had. She did it, but saw no reason for it at all. After giving the injection I went back to try and explain to her the importance of  checking off certain medications, I could tell by the bubble she was blowing with her bubble gum and the vacant stare she wasn't getting it or just didn't care so I gave up. Then they send me in a drunk guy with a very small gash on his forehead that he probably deserved. I quickly look at it and know it's only going to need cleaning and a couple of stitches. While doing this I calmly ask the triage that had brought him back what was still waiting to be seen. She replies "Some old guy, about 62 that was brought in by his co-workers with chest pain and a new baby with a temp of 104 who has had diarrhea for a couple of days" In the moment I truly understood in my soul about workplace rage. I tell her to get them both back immediately while trying to explain why chest pain will always trump a small head gash and how quickly a 6 pound baby can die from dehydration and/or diarrhea. I so want to put signs out on the lawn of that hospital telling people to run for their lives while they still can and go somewhere else. I will never take another on call from them again, I have never used my malpractice insurance and something tells me if I do sooner or later you would have to use it there. But I have changed my mind on one thing. Zoo doctors highly outrank the level of training this crew has.

Third and then I promise not to bore you anymore with Idiots today. I have been wanting to move for a while. A couple weeks ago some friends I have known for quite some time informed me they were doing a complete remodel on a house they bought and ask if I was interested when they got it done. I went to look and it was completely gutted ready for the remodel. Now I realize all my training is in medicine, psychology and metaphysics but I was raised by a high end contractor and went to work with him from the time I was 6 yrs old until I left high school during the summers. I may not be able to build a house but I can damn sure tell you if one is being done right. A complete remodel means just that, you gut it and everything that goes in is new. I couldn't tell much about the house because it was gutted but they walked me through the layout which seemed great, perfect for me. A few days later I go back to take another look after some of the work was being done and find this hallway that had no purpose at all. I ask about it and Idiot Crew Member #1 tells me it is because they need it to put the bedroom door in. Really? I ask him why he didn't just move the bedroom door to the other end and use the wasted hallway space as a closet?  After thinking about this, drawing his line on the sub floor and conferring with Idiot Crew Member #2 he decided it could be done that way. By now I am getting a little nervous. We go into the kitchen where I immediately see a major problem, they had taken out a support wall with the intention of putting in a knee wall to open up the kitchen and living room some. Good idea to open it up, but fools you can't just knock out a major support wall without compensating for it. I explain this to them and they are now totally stumped as to how to fix the problem and I am totally stumped that they can't see what an easy fix it really is. I didn't even bother to explain it to them. Then I see where the cabinets are cut out for the stove to sit. Now unless they intend to put a Coleman Camper Stove in there it isn't going to fit, I mean this one was so far off you didn't even need a tape measure. However I could have parked the trailer end of an 18 wheeler sideways in the opening they left for the refrigerator. Then he tells me they are putting the old cabinets back in instead of putting up new ones, the lovely 5 color chipped cabinets are going back in the house to be painted again? I don't think so. Now I am beyond nervous about this house. I then ask where he was putting the dishwasher, when he informed me it would be in the laundry room at the other end of the house I left. I told my friend yesterday this was not a complete remodel, it was even a renovation it was a demolition in progress and unless that crew is gone and a new one brought in to totally redo it the right way then our deal is off. So that's how it stands as of now and I don't know what they are going to decide to do. I really liked the idea of country living and a screened in back porch overlooking the lake but not at the expensive of the house falling down on me and having to live on that back porch. We shall now see how my friend ranks on The Idiot scale.