A Few Totally Useless Things To Know About Me
1. I am a mother bear when it comes to my children. You mess with one of my cubs and I will fight you. For all my joking on this blog about my children they are my life. On the other hand when I say I don't like children, I am being totally honest. I don't. I only like my own. All other children irritate the shit out of me.
2. I am one of those "crazy dog Mom's" and not ashamed of it. I love my dogs beyond all reason. As with my children I will fight you over my dogs too. Even the little mean one.
3. I hate sports and politics. I don't watch them. I don't talk about them (outside of my occasional put down of our current president and his wife). I don't attend sporting/political events. I don't even want to hear anything having to do with sports or politics playing in the background on my television. I don't care what team/party won or lost. If I ever wear a sports or political related article of clothing it will be a sign of my impending insanity.
4. I am not an outdoorsy person. Outdoorsy is a word, right? I prefer the warmth or coolness of my house. I don't want to "feel the grass between my toes" or "soak up the sunshine". The closest I want to get to nature is watching it from my front porch with the overhead fan on and a cold Coke in my hand.
5. I have an overwhelming fear of insects. Any insect. Snakes don't bother me at all. I would choose a rattle snake over an ant any day.
6. For all my joking about Valium/Pain Pills/Sleeping Pills on this blog I have never in my life tried an illegal drug or even had the desire to. (Have to amend this one after last night. Enough said.) However prescription drugs do not fall into this category.
7. I love to eat out. If Bojangles or McDonald's ever go out of business I will be inconsolable.
8. From time to time I go into "hermit mode". I love being in my home, everything I like is here. When in hermit mode I will think of a thousand reasons you can't come visit me or why I can't come visit you. During those times I don't want to talk on the phone either so your best bet is to leave me a text. I might answer, I might not. For those times I have a premade text message I send to family and friends to keep them from calling the police to do a welfare check. It simply says: I have not been murdered, I am not laying injured in the floor unable to reach the phone, I'm not sick, I am not being held hostage, there is nothing wrong I am in Hermit Mode.
9. I am quite sure I would die without my computer.
10. I hated elementary, jr.high and high school but loved college and never had less than a 4.0 gpa.
11. I hate shopping with the fire of a thousand suns. I will do almost anything to avoid going shopping. The mall is what I imagine hell to be like.
12. I hate catsup and mustard.
13. I am allergic to cats.
14. I have Fibromyalgia and Lupus.
15. I have absolutely no filter on my mouth, nor do I want one.
16. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. I find it a waste of time and energy.
17. I can repeat the lines of a book I read 20 years ago but almost never remember the title of any book.
18. I have zero celebrity worship. I will never understand rabid fans. That said, it doesn't mean I wouldn't have a good roll in the hay with Jon BonJovi, I just wouldn't worship him.
19. I have had the same stalker for 30 yrs. He is suppose to be locked up for life but I never rest completely easy considering he has escaped once already and came after me. He has been able to find me through name changes, moves, unlisted phone numbers and the computer. My fear of him changed to anger years ago. So Booger Bear, if your reading this you need to know I am now armed and you will not get in my house again.
20. I see dead people. I'm a certified paranormal investigator. We have our own team and actually do professional investigations for businesses and private residences. Dead people can be more interesting than the living, except in bed.
21. I can legally perform wedding ceremonies. Although with my mouth I can't imagine why anyone would want me to. But then I also don't understand why anyone wants to get married either.
22. I can not read a map and never know which way is north, south, east or west. My method of following directions is "turn at the yellow house on the corner". They paint that house and I am shit out of luck.
23. I often observe the small things about life and people and completely miss the big glaring in your face things.
24. The workings of the human brain totally amazes me.
25. Years of writing nursing notes in charts means that I write notes/letters to family and friends using medical shorthand. It's a habit I can't break.
26. I have no patience, when I want something I want it right now, if I have something to do I want to do it right now. I hate waiting on people.
27. I have never had a traffic ticket of any kind or an accident that was my fault.
28. I don't own an ironing board. I'm pretty sure there is an iron in this house somewhere, I just couldn't tell you where it is.
29. I am 5'1" tall and sleep alone (well most of the time, I'm single not a Nun!) and still I think I have to have a king size bed. You would be amazed how much room a 4lb Chihuahua and a Pug can take up in a bed.
30. I hate being around reformed smokers. Seriously, is being rude a built in consequence when you quit smoking? If you don't comment on my smoking, outside in the open air, then I promise not to complain because your ugly child is hurting my eyes to look at or how rude and unmannerly you are. Deal?