Thursday, May 24, 2012

Award from Dirty Cowgirl and Karma

My blogging sister Dirty Cowgirl quite possibly in an attempt to drive me mad or to cause me public humiliation by answering questions has given me an award. I think any award that has wrong spelling (that written as I actually spelled the word spelling wrong!) should be passed back and forth numerous times so it won't come as a big surprise when I give her the same one back and also gives me an idea of an award to make and pass out myself. Although mine will come with no rules and regulations because I really have a problem following them myself. But I do want her to know that I appreciate the fact that I made the list and from her list found a couple other new blogs I enjoyed reading. I mean seriously how often do you run across a blog written by an ape, a funny ape at that.

So here is my award, I will answer the questions but Cowgirl you must remember these things can come back to haunt you! For your viewing pleasure you can also find this on my awards page.

So now I have to answer some questions:

What is your favorite song?
See?  Right here, first question,  is where I am going to get kicked of the blogging block. This one answer will forever brand me, I can feel it in my bones. This changes constantly but only within one artists song list so today my favorite is "Better Than I Know Myself" by Adam Lambert. Yes, friends I fell for the glammer and glitz that is Adam Lambert. Anyone that can go from singing in a head voice to a chest voice and the listener doesn't even notice has talent unmatched. Do you know how few true countertenor's there really are? Besides his voice calms me and anyone who can do that without bringing me a bottle of Klonopin and a bottle of Norco has to be OK. Yes, people I bought into the glam and glitter that is Adam Lambert. But he isn't perfect, the day he packages each CD with a Klonopin and a Norco inserted is the day he becomes perfect. It will also be the first time in my life that I would wish to be a gay man, that boy is easy on the eyes.

What is your favourite dessert?
Cherry Delight. Who could resist those layers of graham crackers, cream cheese filling, cherry pie filling and whipped cream all topped with chopped pecans. Not me.

What ticks you off?
This one has the potential to be the longest list in blog history so I will only list a few.
1. People who read my blog and take every single word seriously as if it were spoken straight from the Blog God's mouth to my ear and then feel the need to email me to complain about it. They haven't learned yet that their email is only going to get them a response more sarcastic than the original post they are complaining about.
2. Public Schools. I might possibly be the only living person ever asked to resign from my position as president of the PTA for calling the school board "a bunch of idiots with the combined IQ of a chicken". In my defense, I meant every word I said and it was the truth. I can't stand the lazy teachers and the greediness for money that has become our school system. I can't stand the fact that sports has become so important that they will do away with art and music classes to have more money for the sports program.
3. Walmart-enough said.
4. My ex louse who makes bookoos of money yet will text my son ( who he lives 2 hours from and has seen a total of 1 time in the last 12 months)  from his boat while on his 4th trip to the Bahamas this year to tell him he can't "afford" to put $20 in his account and then an hour later post pictures on his FB page of the "gifts" he has bought for his girlfriend aka Fiona Shrek and the diamond necklace he bought her that was at least $2,000. Was it so wrong that to get back at him this week I reported my son's phone stolen so they would charge his Dad the $200 insurance deductible for that phone on the cell bill and then ordered $75 dollars worth of music and apps to also be applied to the bill? He has to pay and keep our cell phones on, it's court ordered. He should have just given the kid the $20, it would have been cheaper in the long run. I'll end this one here, it also has the potential to be a very long list.

When you're upset what do you do?
See question 4, it's a pretty good example

Who is/was your favorite pet?
Hmmmm...I have more than one. My Great Dane, Grady, who lived in the house and took up most of the California King bed at night (he was bitten by a rattle snake and even the heroic efforts of my vet and anti venom couldn't save him).  My English Bulldog, Sarge. Sarge was one of the grandson's of Georgia Tech's Ugga and I had him for years. Sarge had a heart attack and while on the way to the Vet he had a stroke, he was in a coma with no chance of ever being "Sarge" again and I made the decision to let him go. It broke my heart and to this day I have not ever owned another English Bulldog. Now my favorite two are the two that live with me Tucker, a 4 lb chihuahua that is the most loving, sweet and quite chihuahua you could ever meet...until someone comes to the house. He then turns into a Chupacabra with Tasmanian Devil tendencies. And my Lola, a pug who loves anything and everyone (except for Other Pug that lives in the reflection of the glass fireplace doors) and literally has no concept that not everyone loves her as much as she loves them. She is crazy and a clown that keeps us laughing. We are in a battle for Lola's survival right now as she is a hemophiliac and my wonderful blogging and Pug Slut FB friends have donated enough money that to date her treatments have been totally taken care of. She is having a little set back right now and will need another treatment next week but in the end this girl is going to survive, she just has to.

Which do you prefer to wear, black or white?
White doesn't show dog hair so I'll go with that.

What is your biggest fear?
Insects, any size or any kind.

What is your attitude mostly?
Sarcastic and truthful. I have no filter on my mouth.

What is perfection?
Johnny Depp

What is your guilty pleasure?
Pretending to be ignorant about all my family's drama (although they all keep me well informed by phone) since I live so far away so I don't have to deal with the silly shit.

Ten Random Things About Me:

1. I hated Physical Education so badly in school that I would claim to have be on my period 3-4 times a month to get out of class. It still amazes me that they never caught on.
2. I got so drunk my junior year on Boone's Farm Strawberry wine, hey don't judge, it was all we could afford at the time, that I stripped off my clothes and tried to swim in my friend's parents 50 gallon aquarium smashing several fish in the process. To this day we all laugh about it but never once has any of them told who the culprit was.
3. I hate small children yet I had 4 of my own. I found I could tolerate my own and loved them to death, but simply can not tolerate anyone else's children.
4. I would rather spend time with animals than people, they are far less irritating and don't say stupid things I feel the overwhelming need to correct.
5. For all my joking about Klonopin, pain pills and sleeping pills on this blog I have never in my live tried or used any recreational drugs.
6. I hate shopping and talking on the telephone.
7. I can legally perform wedding ceremonies. I do however, have to fight the urge not to scream out "Run, save yourselves before it's too late!" as the happy couple approach the alter. I always fear that someday I will give in to that urge.
8. I refuse to tell new parents with ugly babies how beautiful their baby is, the best I can muster is "Oh, he/she is so sweet", most of the time that is a lie too.
9.I hate beans and cornbread. I feel both were created by the devil to show us what hell is going to be like. Three meals a day of nothing but beans and cornbread. "Dear God: Don't let me kill anyone today so I don't have to go to hell and eat beans and cornbread every day."
10. The love of my life died in a car accident, I haven't and probably never will get over him.

My 7 choices are:
1. Dirty Cowgirl-Left Alone With A Full Moon-because Karma is a bitch and she writes and excellent blog that keeps me amused.
2. Dirty Bird-Living In An Estrogenic Flux-another blog that highly amuses me.
3. Lily-The Incoherent Ramblings of a Moose-because we both have children conceived with the devil and aren't afraid to admit it to the world through our blogs. And she makes me laugh, always.
4. Frank-The Ranting Monkey- because he can make me cry, laugh or just think deeply on a subject. I like that in a man.
5. Mimi-Magical Mystical Mimi- Love this blog!
6.Dan-Working Dan-hilarious and the art work is always worth seeing.
7.Jo-The Bright Yellow Balloon-she never fails to make me laugh and that is what a good blog is about to me.


  1. Ah NOW I see what you mean about come back and haunt me. Coming from you of all people that comment had me slightly concerned that you were going to send one of your "hangers on" to see me.

    I hated PE too, and I was crap at it. But I belonged to the St John Ambulance so I could put a bandage on my ankle (that was everso dodgy..Ahem) that looked like it had been done by a doctor.

    1. Your more than welcome to have the teenager in the bloody dress, she has been around forever but since she won't talk I doubt she would bother you much. You really need G-Maw that hangs around, that old woman never shuts up, she is one I have to, what I call, turn off, or she would drive me crazy. If I knew how to send them I would have her come visit you.

      Good job with the ankle!

  2. When I read the title of this post, I laughed out loud thinking, "Shea is gonna hate this," which made me laugh even more!

    I read, I laughed, I choked on the smoke from my ciggie and choked back a sob at number 10. Then I scrolled down, saw my name and called you a name that rhymes with 'itch.'

    Thanks Shea, the award is greatly appreciated! ♥

    1. I wear the title of "Bitch" proudly, as my header says "It takes style to be a bitch"

  3. Now wait just a minute! Cowgirl done gave me herpes! You can't get herpes twice can you? Especially if it comes from the same damn award!

    I bet if you spend time with my animals you would learn to appreciate humans again! They are four-legged little terrors!

    #10 really caught me off guard. I was reading a fun and playful blog and then... well you know. So sad. So sorry!

    1. No Dan, I didn't give you herpes, Cowgirl did that, I only reactivated it from a dormant state. Be glad it wasn't syphilis and embrace the herpes, haven't you seen how pleasant they make it look on the tv commercials?

  4. See this was nice. Thanks Shea for remembering me when I can't even seem to remember myself. You made me feel good.

  5. I don't understand how anyone could be less than everything for their child. I'm sorry your ex is a parasite.

    PS - I enjoy Walmart, no better place to people watch, and sometimes my little girls (who have not yet developed a filter) ask the cashier why he doesn't have any teeth because they have teeth but he's missing a bunch.