Tuesday, April 16, 2013

It's So Much Harder To Name Yourself Than It Is To Name Your New Baby

Since I was about 6 yrs old I have hated my given name and have said for years I was going to change it. My parents had to have been drugged, drunk or half asleep when they picked it out, then gave it some foreign spelling no one could even pronounce, so everyone started calling me something close to it, and I hated that name even more. Even my parents started calling me that name. Fortunately when my first nephew was born he could't even begin to pronounce either so he just called me Shea. Now I like Shea, but it isn't a name I would have chosen for myself.  Every new place we seemed to go in the military it was $600-$800 to go to court to have it legally done and it would take several months to go through the court system. So when we retired and moved here I just never bothered to ask. A few weeks ago out of boredom(don't judge, you will do a lot of crazy ass shit when your on bed rest as many weeks as I was) I called to ask what it would cost me here, I thought that I heard her wrong when she said $65 for the whole thing and it would take about  5 minutes. Maybe they have a lot of name changes, you know the kids here become teenagers and don't want anyone to know about the family inbreeding so they make it easy for them. Just a guess. I mean my kids have a lot of friends and you think by looking at some of them that they don't stray far from the same gene pool, then Mom and Dad come to pick them up and it's confirmed because Mom and Dad look just alike too. How do they all know what to call each other? Do they say Daddy or Uncle Daddy? Anyway I finally have the chance to do it, a Mother's Day gift from my daughter(my kids have always known how badly I have wanted to do this). So first the kids want to name me, yeah, shot them down real quick with some of the names they were coming up with and the fact that they couldn't agree except on the first name. So I let them pick the first name.

This is when I went to Donna, as she is only one of three people on here that know my real name and one of them doesn't blog, just comes to read. Mistake, big mistake. She's my girl but we are total opposites in the name department. She likes Grandma names and I like something a little newer, not too common and at times even trendy. Now I hate cutesy names like Brittney, Whitney, Brandy, etc. I would throw up just a little every time I heard someone use it and am quite sure I would be left with a gag reflex that was permanently damaged causing me to spit up constantly. But cutesy names wasn't a problem with Donna, she isn't big on them either. She just likes Grandma names. People do you understand she threw the name Alberta on the table?! I wish I could remember some of the others but I think my mind was protecting me and blocked my memory of our conversation that night. But you have to give my girl credit, she knows every Grandma name there is to know! But the hilarious part was listening to her comments on the names my kids and I had chosen. What a night, she had me laughing so hard over names that night.

Now the big decision is to keep my last name or change it too. It doesn't exactly have good memories for me, I don't want to go back to my maiden name but I have never thought about last names before. I no longer have any kids in school so it isn't that important to have the same last name anymore, that's the only reason I have kept it in the first place. I ask all my kids and they all think it is a great idea to pick one out I like and use that. Get rid of the name with bad memories and start fresh. I sat down and literally could only think of two last names and I didn't even like them, it was just names that popped into my head. So I grabbed a phone book and picked out a last name. I was afraid to ask Donna. Is there such a thing as old people last names too?

Oh and just why is Obama so pissed off because someone said his wife looks like a gorilla? Shouldn't he be worrying more about the bombings in Boston yesterday? I am 100% sure it isn't the first time he has heard it and it damn sure won't be the last. I have thought it for years.  I know a beautiful silverback at the local zoo that would make a perfect mate for her, I just worry she won't be pretty enough for him and he will reject her.


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    1. Uh...I see a bit of libral editing in here, but it's hilarious. Alberta was in a late night phone call, not texting. So there!

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  4. No, I only edited your real name...the rest is in my phone!!! And late night just doesn't count for me, can't be responsible for anything I say after medication, plus wasn't that the night Jesus rose and I died? I'd never say Alberta because that's where my ex was born. And anyway, who's in a haze? I don't even wanna know your name!

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