EMPTY NESTING. IT'S A NASTY TRICK! DON'T FALL FOR IT!

The term doesn't exist. It's something someone made up to fool us into a sense of hope. My boys graduated, and supposedly moved out for college. I wasn't dreading the empty nest like so many do, I was looking forward to it. I could run through the house naked and shout "Impeach Obama!", I could take eight hour bubble baths, there would always be cereal in the pantry when I wanted a bowl, I could go to sleep when I wanted, get up when I wanted, no more dental appointments to worry with, I would never again have to wake up to a messy kitchen or den, things would be exactly where I placed them the day before, I would always have gas in my car, I could have afternoon tea without some smart ass visiting kid say "Uh...we don't do that here, where you from anyway?",  It would be peaceful.

My first clue that this is nothing more than a myth was when it took them three months to get everything out of their rooms, one still isn't finished. Don't they get I have plans for those rooms? A sewing room, a computer room, etc. Their idea of moving out is to take what you need immediately and just drop back in and get something else if you have the need. They now have two weeks or it all hits the trash bin. If you're going to move then damn it, MOVE EVERYTHING!

Oh and did I mention their grocery shopping? Rather convenient for them. They shop from my pantry when I am not at home.

Date night at the movies? My house. I watch the Blu-Ray maybe four times a year and that is being generous, they want to come watch it three or four nights a week. I'm giving them the damn thing, they get far more use out of it than I do. Oh wait...then they would actually have to clean up their own messes and buy their own snacks....that may not work for them.

Video games? Let's go to Mom's, she has four televisions and we can hook them up and all have our own screen to look at, at our house we only have three televisions. She won't mind if we yell and curse at the screen, she sleeps with a fan on anyway. Nevermind that at our house there isn't even a mouse to hear us.

Gas in the car? Not a problem as long as you have enough to drive to Mom's house and switch cars, she always has gas. She probably won't even notice we drove to Georgia to buy lottery tickets and back. It's a fucking three hour trip guys, I notice!

Now if these guys lived in a dump I could half way understand it, or even if they lived with a houseful of people and needed to get away once in a while. But they don't. They have a very nice 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, den with fireplace, glassed in sun-room, fully stocked kitchen with new appliances (although the stove may not be usable since I'm not sure they have bothered to take the plastic off of it yet), dining room, every room is nicely furnished and they live in the middle of 187 acres of land complete with 4 wheelers and a gun range. There are three people living there and each have their own bedroom. They have no rent or utilities to pay and all the amenities of home. What is their problem?!!! Oh yes...they would have to clean up after themselves.

Just last week I got a call from university telling me that my children are above average in intelligence and will attend next year on full scholarships.  Was I wrong to ask if that could be several states away and if they could add a clause that they must take all their belongings with them?

So please for all those just waiting on the empty nest, don't get excited, it's nothing more than a myth given us at the birth of our children to give us hope that this is not forever, there is an end in sight. Now I'm afraid to even pray they find a nice wife, that may be a trick too and I would end up with two extra people hanging out at my house all the time. Grandchildren? Even the word makes me shudder!