The Wedding

Less than a month after my brother died my  "But She's Pretty" child got married. A big formal  production full of judges, senators, lawyers, Federal agents, etc. Now first it is very hard for me to be in that type of group and keep my mouth shut. I think I did fairly well and only pissed off five or six of them. That's a good record for me. I could have done more if my daughter had not assigned me a "keeper".

The planning for an event that size is absolutely unreal and time consuming. I was still in the grieving process which doesn't go well with wedding planning to begin with.

I use to think Peacocks were the prettiest bird, now I hate the motherfuckers with a purple passion, which for those uninformed is worse than a pink, or say yellow passion. Her theme was Peacocks, everywhere you looked there was a damn Peacock, Peacock feathers or Peacock shit. I will literally snap and kill the next child of mine that even mentions a Peacock themed wedding! I drank my Peacock drink imagining the whole time that it was the blood of at least one of those running around the area. I mean, you know it's bad when the photographer comes up to you and whispers "I have some hilarious shots of you interacting with the Peacocks that I am not putting in the wedding book but I will put them on disc and send them to you." He did and even I must admit they are pretty funny, in hindsight. I may need some type of  Peacock therapy to recover.

The best photograph of the evening was of just her and I. In the photo it looks like she is leaning over, hand up to her mouth, saying something very sweet to me and I am smiling ever so sweetly in return. In reality what she was saying was "Mom, don't tell anyone but I was in such a hurry to get dressed I forgot to put my underwear on!"  The photographer just happen to catch it before we both double over laughing. Ah....memories.....

I committed only one crime during the evening and I had an accomplice. We stole a golf cart. We did return it though. We were told after a certain time at the reception that the golf carts were off limits. It was around 11:00pm when my oldest son looked at me and said "Wouldn't it be fun to just grab one of those and take it for a ride around the golf course in the dark, as fast as we can go?" I agreed. So we did. He drove around once and I drove around once and then we politely returned it and pleaded stupidity. We didn't know we weren't suppose to use them after 8:00pm.  Unfortunately for "But She's Pretty" child, this is the one she assigned to be my "keeper". Hey, I figure if an event costs that much, if you have to wear formal wear that many hours and you have to deal with fucking Peacocks you should be allowed to escape on the damn golf carts anytime you damn well please!

Humor aside, it was a beautiful candlelight ceremony in a beautiful setting and of course the bride was beautiful. But those damn Peacocks.............