Sunday, December 11, 2011

The "4th Android device" and a Subway high...

So I get up this morning only to be informed by email, before I have coffee I might add, that my order from Amazon to my "4th registered Android device" was delivered and a $15 charge applied to my credit card. I made no order to Amazon and definitely don't have 4 Android devices.  It took me forever to learn to operate 1 Android device taking on 3 more at the same time would be taxing brain cells that I don't have. So I go to my Amazon account to try and figure out what is going on. Not only are there 4 Android devices registered  but also an iPod and 2 iPhone's. Under "edit" devices there is no number to identify all these  devices. Just a pop up that asks if I want to unregister this device. Of course this button isn't working on the website. So I contact Amazon. I tell them I do not have these devices, I did not order any books and I want the charges credited back to my account. Now all of this is no problem, customer service was very nice, at least I think they were.  The agent's accent was so thick I only got every other word she said so in reality she could have been calling me names and I would not have known it. She credits back my account and says "Have we taken care of your needs today?" Well not completely.  I still have to make my bed, get dressed, use the bathroom, fix coffee and cook dinner but I was pretty sure she wasn't going to help in those areas so I turned my attention back to what should have been the major issue of my call in the first place. Just who in the hell registered these devices and used my card without permission? She then informs me there is nothing to worry about because they credited my card back. I KNOW this, and I am grateful, really I am, but I want to know just who those devices belong to so that I know who used my card. She then says "But I don't understand, we gave you your money back." I then patiently explain to her that just because she gave me my money back doesn't mean it won't happen again so I need to know who those devices belong to, you don't have to give me a name just give me the phone number registered to them, I will figure it out from there. She then informs me that there is no number to those devices. Bitch, you delivered a book to one of them about an hour ago, where did you send it?! She doesn't know where they sent it. Look it up!!!! She can't because "there is no number showing". How damn hard can it be to understand if there was an order placed from that "4th Android device" and goods delivered to that same "4th Android device"  then they have to know the number? Does she think they just push a button and it magically appears on the right device?  I'm starting to think she does evidenced by her answer of "Well when someone orders a book, we charge the card and it then goes automatically to the device." I try patience once again and tell her that they have to know which device out of the millions they have registered to send that order to. She comes back with "No, no it just gets to them after they pay" I don't have a lot of patience to begin with and she has already used up my allotted amount for this year and forced me to have to borrow from next year's allotted amount. As we are speaking another email comes through, identical to the first one earlier this morning informing me that my order to my "4th Android device" has been delivered and a $15 charge has been applied to my credit card. I log into my bank and sure enough I now have 2 charges of $15, both from Amazon and both for the same book. So it seems she didn't get that right either, instead of crediting me back she charged the card again. She denies this. I tell her the proof is right in front of me. Now she thinks it wise to argue with me over this. I have by now used up all of 2012's alloted patience too and am actually upside down in the patience loan. I ask to speak to someone else. She tells me there is no one else working. Excuse me? You expect me to believe that Amazon only has one employee per shift? She says yes.  I tell her she is a bloody fool and she tells me there is no reason to threaten her with blood. What!??? I tell her I want ALL devices unregistered, she tells me this can't be done that once it is there it will always be there. Huh? Did she think I married Amazon? I am finding that it was easier to get rid of a husband than it seems to be to get rid of Amazon so she may be on to something. I hope they pay permanent alimony too.  Finally after 30 minutes and realizing I am not going to hang up and go away she somehow in less than a minute manages to hire and train another employee to talk to me. Within 10 minutes of talking to this brand new employee, who is obviously a fast learner, both charges have been credited back to me, all devices are unregistered, credit card info is removed from their site and an investigation launched into who did it AND he actually spoke recognizable English. It was almost orgasmic and I think I fell a little in love with him.

By now I'm hungry, although I do admit to being a lot like my pug in this area, I am always up for food so as much as I would like to I can't blame that on Amazon too. I don't want to cook, still upset with the first employee, I  don't let things go easy. I will be pissed the rest of today and probably into the early morning hours tomorrow before I let it go.  I thought putting me close to an open flame might not be in anyone's best interest so we go to Subway. Subway is always fast here, they take seriously that "fast food" moniker, with 10 people in line ahead of you it still will only take about 10 minutes to get in there and out, faster if more than one person is waiting. Today was different. There were 2 people in line in front of us.  The first lady ordered a Cold Cut Trio on white bread, not heated. The girl working gets the bread out and cuts it. Oops, wrong bread! She then has the monumental task of deciding what to do with the "wrong bread", her solution was to stand in front of the bread cabinet (since I have no idea what those things are called, bread cabinet pretty well sums it up) and stare at it with the bread in her hands. By now we are all looking at each other in disbelief. I speak up, being quiet and at a loss for words isn't really in my genetic makeup, and suggest to her that she open the door and put it back in there. She does. Then she comes back to the counter and immediately runs into another insurmountable problem. No meat. Her solution? Stare at the empty meat container with her mouth slightly open gasping for air. I ask her how long she has been employed there thinking she is new, she tells me about a year. If you have been here for a year and these things are bringing you to a standstill, it may be time to seek new employment. She may have a hard time finding a new job I really can't think of anything that would require her to use less brain cells than she is using making subs. I again suggest she go to the refrigerator and bring out more meat. She looks at me and says "Oh, ok...I can do that". That is when I saw her eyes. This girl was about as high as you can get and still be upright. She goes and gets the meat. She carefully places each ingredient on the bread, literally standing back a step and looking at it after she puts each and every one on it. If it doesn't "look right" to her, and only God knows what she might have been seeing, she would move forward a step and rearrange it all again. Very slowly and very carefully.  The three of us in line are now timing her, 15 minutes and she has that first sandwich done.  But now she has to figure out just how to wrap it, this took several tries before she was happy with the way it looked. Amazingly she did rather well on the register. She moves back to make the second sub and repeats the "perfect arrangement sequence" she did with the first one. Then she panics because this one has to be heated. We all watch in amused silence to see how she will figure this one out. She starts at one end, the bread cabinet end. Opens the bread cabinet and puts the sandwich in it, closes the door. No knobs to turn it on, so she realizes this might not be the right machine and takes it out. She moves on to the second one, damn another bread cabinet with no knobs! She takes it out of the second one and puts it in the third one. Wonder of wonder, this one has knobs!!! So she turns the knob, and stands there staring at the machine waiting on the timer to go off. We all look at each other in amazement wondering how long it will take her to realize she has it in a refrigeration cabinet. It took her quite some time, when the "timer" didn't go off she opened the door, checked the sandwich, muttered that the oven wasn't working right, turned the knob again, closed the door and again stood staring waiting on it to heat up. By this time I can't keep quiet much longer, no matter how amusing she was. I tell her to take it out and put it in the machine next to that one. She just does it, doesn't even ask why. If I had known she was going to be so compliant I would have had some fun with her. She manages to finish the sandwich, wrapping it up is still a problem for her. I had no idea that sandwich art was so time consuming. She repeats this whole mess for the lady in front of me and then for my order as well. Now the first lady has already got her sandwich but hasn't left, she wants to hang around and see the show. She has also found her voice, finding it far more amusing when it wasn't her standing there waiting and watching to make sure the girl doesn't mistake rat poison for salt and dose her subs. Idiot watching is always better coming from a place of safety. She finishes with the second lady, who also decides to wait and see her do my order. At the end of the three orders it has taken this girl 58 minutes to make 4 sandwiches, three of which did not have to be heated. Then, I kid you not, the girl had the nerve to look at us and say "Wow, I really need a break, this is hard work, you guys have no idea how hard it is to make a pretty sandwich" I still don't think she understood why the three of us burst into uncontrollable laughter. I wonder how long it will take them to discover she has turned the refrigeration unit off in her efforts to heat a sandwich?

1 comment:

  1. that subway ordeal is fricken hilarious!!!!!!! Of course, I would have been one of those Idiot watchers from a safe place, but that's just how I am. Considering your ordeal with Amazon "wasn't-me" chic, I can't believe you didn't lunge yourself over the counter at the subway chic!!! And even more so, that you stayed and TIMED it all!!!
    Oh my gosh. Too funny!!!!!