Thursday, December 22, 2011

Searching For Reality

Today I decided to check out some other blogs, just see what else is out there that I might enjoy reading. While I did find a few gems to follow I also found a lot of, what to me, is drivel. I do realize that it is not drivel to others but I find myself drawn to humorous, irreverent, "not afraid to say fuck" blogs.

I don't want to read about your profound commitment to God, church, your community, your charities or anything else. All written with the "I may be just a little bit better than the rest of you" tone. I don't really care if you trudged 5 miles in the snow to sing Christmas carols to the little old lady that is housebound, went in and cooked her a 7 course Christmas meal, cleaned her house before you left and promised to come back once a month to repeat the whole process, all in the name of God and community. Because I know in my heart that you cursed that old lady all the way back home.

I don't want to learn how to do cutsey crafts with picture by picture instructions. I will just hit up a flea market and buy mine for a couple of dollars, saves my sanity and gives me a few extra bucks to spend on the really important things in life. Like a cheap Mojita mix or a Taco Bell pizza. I know I could save on gas and cut down on pollution by making my own,  but hey, I have to get in the car to drive to Taco Bell anyway so it really isn't a bother.

I seriously don't care to read a day by day description of your wonderful family complete with pictures of your perfect kids. I have four of my own, I know there is no child on this earth that is perfect and your blowing smoke up my ass telling me different isn't going to make me believe it. I will only conclude that you live in a fantasy world and need some serious therapy. Tell me about the time the dog/cat puked in the floor and the baby ate it before you could get to him. Tell me about the old man that pissed you off in the grocery store check out lane, even better if you told him off, I'm going to follow your blog for sure if you hit him. Tell me about your crazy aunt/uncle/cousin, etc. We all have one and they make good reading. As a matter of fact I think my next blog will be about my own crazy aunt.

I admit to being a sucker for the dog blogs. I find all of them good. I might have found Lassie's blog a little boring, after all just how many times can you pull a kid out of the well before the parents of that child realize that the child has some obvious deficits in the learning department and decide they need to keep him away from the damn well? Give me a Turner and Hootch kind of dog to read about any day. Having two of those of my own I can relate to that.

And all those vacation blogs? Forget it, if it isn't My vacation and I am not on the beach drinking margarita's while ogling half naked men then why would I want to read about it? This is one of those things in life, along with giving birth, where the old saying "you just had to be there" really applies.

As for all the birthing experience blogs, yes I did find several of them, they just bring back unpleasant memories and I will skip those too. But thanks anyway for sharing your horror stories with all those pregnant ladies that think they are in for some wonderful, magical moment in their life. Better to let them find out on their own that they may still be so pissed over that whole pain thing that they may not find the sight of that new baby all that great. Sometimes it takes a day or two. Or longer, actually I have yet to forgive my third child and she is now 25 yrs old. Trust me ladies all that soft music, focus points, water births, loving husbands rubbing the back, alternate birth positions and wonderful doctors do not make that pain better. Only heavy sedation and planned C-Sections does that, which is why I found the children from my last pregnancy to be beautiful the moment they were was born and they was forgiven immediately.

So I think I will go cruise some more, there has to be more people out there who write about reality.


  1. Almost all the Blogs I follow are hysterical because dammit, real life needs a pick me up.

  2. You are absolutely brilliant!
    You're posts have me laughing out loud, like some sort of a jackass.

  3. i love you, you are writing what i think and usually say daily. but sadly i have no writing skills.

    blogs you should look at are 'fetch my flying monkeys' she has some serious issues but it's sooo funny :)

  4. Try "Mommy wants vodka" and Shauna Glenn's blog. Both very funny.
    I enjoy your blog.

  5. @Lex-I did visit "Fetch My Flying Monkey's" and loved it, I will return. Thanks for the suggestion.

    @pugs4x-I will definitely try the two blogs you suggested today. Thanks for letting me know about them.