Sunday, March 11, 2012

Angry, so, so angry!

You think there has to be a limit as to how much you can take. But it seems like someone forgot to set that limit on my family. Last month we buried my 26yr old cousin who was killed in a car accident.  A year ago my grandson died due to a cord incident at birth. Two years before that we buried my niece who came down with a simple cold in December and died the first week of February.  Before that it was my own son. Now today I get another phone call, my cousin, who's mother is the sister of the girl that was just killed, hung himself last night, he was 35yrs old and left four beautiful kids. How stupid and selfish could he be? I want to grieve for him but I can't all I can feel is anger. The other deaths were out
of our control, no one could stop them but this, this was a choice he made. How do you grieve that? How do you feel anything but anger when you look in those stunned children's faces who are too young to even know what is going on? How do you tell all those little children that all the arrows being slung at their own mother and accusations that she is the cause is all bullshit? So what she left him, her reason doesn't even matter. I don't know this girl very well, but I do know that no one deserves the blame and guilt being thrown her way. A lot of people divorce and separate, they don't run out and hang themselves over it. It wasn't her fault, the blame lays within him, some coping mechanism he was missing. He was a smart man, he knew the rift this would cause yet chose to do it anyway to get back at someone who didn't love him anymore.

I wake up sick this morning, dehydrated and if I were my own patient I would have my butt slapped in  the hospital so fast my head would spin. Ok, enough feeling sorry for myself and making you all listen to my rant. I have to think of something funny to write.


  1. That's a tough one. I have always thought the children of suicides will struggle immensely throughout their life. Prayers are being sent to the whole family. You included.

  2. I don't know the situation other than what you described. I don't have to. He did it. He is to blame. People accusing this girl need to be slapped.

    We all have problems in life. Most of us find ways to deal with them even when we don't think we can. Only selfish twits take the easy road and kill themselves.

    I have no sympathy for those people. My sympathies are with those left behind by that most selfish of all acts.

    Ok, I need to stop before I fill your comments with a profanity laced rant.

    1. This situation is pretty much as described, we don't know much more than that either. If I thought about killing myself every time something went wrong I wouldn't have time to think of anything else.

      Like you, I have no sympathy except for those left behind. I am very proud of myself, I didn't rant near as much as this subject usually makes me.

      Permanent solution to a temporary problem.

  3. Sometimes it's just easier to point the finger of blame at others, then too really look at the cause of something. If you transfer it onto someone else, then you don't really have to deal with it.

    My sympathies go out to you and the family.

  4. Thanks Lily, but I am having a hard time working up any sympathy for such a selfish person.

  5. I had a friend commit suicide for the same reason. His family also blamed his wife. They blamed her for several years and it was a total mess for her and their children and led to the kids not seeing the husband's side of the family for awhile. It was a cowardly thing that my friend did. He was lost and confused and felt he had no where else to turn and he ended up tearing apart the family he thought he was saving by killing himself. After the dust settled, some counseling was done, everyone was able to come back together again to some extent.

    My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

  6. I'm sorry for everything your family has been going through. I understand the frustration over what he chose to do and who he chose to leave behind, and I'm sorry you have that hanging in your heart as well as the loss. Those poor babies. I don't know how anyone does that to their children. Surround them with lots of love (and always remind them it wasn't their fault).