Tweeting Twats On Twitter

So my Pug Slut group, yes we are all sluts that own pugs, pretty much says it all. Anyway we have decided we are exchanging tweet names. Not ever having caught the tweet bug like so many have after signing up for it so long ago that I can't even remember when, I also no longer remembered my username and password so I had to get a new account. I am now the confused, owner of a twitter account. Do I know anything about it? Hell no. I can post a tweet and respond to one, that is the extent of my knowledge. I may not even be doing that I may be buying vacuum cleaners in cyberspace for all I know.

I don't know what to tweet on my twitter and do I use my twat to tweet? What about those of the other gender that don't have twats to tweet with? See just how serious owning a twitter account can be? If I do need use my twat to tweet then I am going to need some intensive lessons, that whole unused for a long time thing coming back to haunt me again.

Then there is the little matter of cussing. Can I cuss on twitter when I tweet? Because we all know I won't be able to tweet if can't cuss. I will be in Twitter Jail, I'm sure somewhere there is a Twitter Jail, I'm mean this twitter business is some serious shit here. Twitter people are rabid, they fire off messages faster than I can down a Klonopin and that is pretty damn fast. I have decided that Twitter is a talent, developed over many hours.

Then there is trending and hashtags. It's a whole other world out there. I imagine an underground empire of people who do nothing but tweet all day and night and eventually it spreads until it infects those of us still above ground. Are we in danger? Will the underground Twitters eventually get to us and move us underground with them? Confession: As long as they have good food down there and a pipe line to a few of my favorite fast food restaurants, that isn't a big concern of mine, I like it dark anyway.

What do you tweet about all day? I mean I am pretty boring. Do they really care that I just took a shit, or that I just put ribs in to marinate for dinner or that I am watching the latest low budget reality show that Bravo has put out this week? Upon reading some tweets I have decided that people do care about those very things and yet I still feel strange tweeting "Just fixed myself a glass of tea, put lemon it it, YUM!"

So much to learn about this Twitter but the bird is cute.