Since I am in the mood to write but all thoughts of a coherent post have had the life force sucked out of me during my restless night of non-sleep. I slept with a pug last night that wanted all three pillows, made eleventy thousand trips to check the front door to see if The Demon Seed was coming home (he wasn't) as he is her usual sleeping partner, decided to eat in the middle of the night making slurping sounds that can only come from a pug and finally fell asleep on my head snoring loudly in my ear. By this time I was afraid to move for fear of waking her up and having the whole process start again that I laid quietly awake in one position on the sofa for hours, at least I was able to reach the remote control. Yes, the pug is in control and she knows it. But it did give me some time for deep thoughts. I also want to go on record and say that I do not agree with The Devil's Advocate when he says I am the only person in town that takes a cup of hot coffee outside in 100 degree temps and sit on my balcony in my Popeye and Olive Oyl pj's at 11:00 am to drink it. I am sure there are more of us out there.
Ramona Singer from The Real Housewives of New York. Is she normal? I really hate to say it but she really needs to be wearing a helmet and being led around on a keeper's leash. Can they really not look at the woman's googly eyes and her body language and not see that something is seriously wrong with her? Even on the rare occasion her mouth is shut those eyes never stop spinning. She scares the fuck out of me. Her husband isn't much better, the fact that the man can wake up to her every morning and not run screaming confuses me. I don't know if I should admire his fortitude or assume he is bat shit crazy too. I'm going with bat shit crazy, something is a little off with that continuous smile of his. Awful to say but she really does make Kelly Bensimon look sane.
Reformed Smokers, not all of them, just the ones that think putting down that last cigarette gave them the right to judge and preach to others. There should be a mandatory ruling that all reformed smokers live on their own island. To me it's simple, if I am outside smoking then don't come and stand right beside me with your nose in the air, coughing and gasping. Move away, the outside is a big area. My mother falls into this category. The woman smoked for 40 yrs and then quit. I'm proud of her for that but seriously does she really need to say to me "I'm surprised you haven't killed one of those kids yet with your secondary smoke." Really? You didn't kill us with yours. She quit one day, developed a severe smoke allergy the next day and by the third day amnesia had set in, wiping out the fact that she had ever been a smoker.
Diet Drinks. Does it really help to drink a Diet Coke while swallowing a Ding Dong whole? I went to a buffet one night with an acquaintance. This woman piled as much food on two plates as she could possibly get, went back to get a third plate to pile the desserts on and then ask for a Diet Coke. Why? Did she really think that Diet Coke was going to cancel out the 23 pounds of food she had on her plates? Better yet the ones that do the same thing and then ask for ice water to drink because it doesn't "have calories" in it. Bitch it isn't the Coke making you gain all that weight, scrape some of that food off your plate, have a real Coke and enjoy your meal! Passing up the Little Debbie aisle at the grocery will go a long way on your weight loss plan too.
Names. I like unusual names, my own children have unusual names. But come on people give the kid a chance to learn to spell it when they go to school! This has been a debate between Rebecca and I for many years. Like me she likes unusual names, unfortunately though she also likes unusual spellings. Out of all her children, there are only two that you could even tell what the child's name is by it's spelling, it still isn't spelled right but at least it is close enough to make it out. I can't tell you how many times the school has called me to come pick up Yucky when her mother was not available. Her name is spelled Yukie but pronounced UKeeah (ladies and gentlemen this is probably the only time you will ever see someone's real name on this blog), the child has gone her whole life being called Yucky, fortunately when she got old enough she learned to tell everyone her name is simply Kia. She has seven children, so Yucky is just an example, five of those seven are just as mispelled, I will be nice and not out them all. This is why Rebecca was never allowed to help name any of my children, nope, she couldn't even join in the discussion anymore after suggesting "River" and "Lake" which I liked, but I had to ask her just for fun how she would spell them. Her reply was "Reyvr" and "Lach". Turns out I was right all along and Demon Seed and The Devil's Advocate fit them much better.
Cleaning up dog shit. Please tell me, if you have your dog on a leash and you know it shit one one side of the potty area why in hell do you go to the other side of the potty area to pick it up after going to the little box and getting the plastic baggie they provide? If your memory is that bad, get the damn bag first and carry it with you. I watch this happen over and over where I live.
Why is this stupid man is struggling to push the baby stroller in the grass beside the sidewalk, giving the poor child whiplash. Why not walk on the sidewalk? Are we not suppose to walk on the sidewalk? I must check the lease.
Why does The Demon Seed have only 2 subjects he will willingly sit down and talk to you about? Game systems and computers, not playing them, but building them or modding them. At best your going to get 15 minutes from him. Yet, his brother The Devil's Advocate has about 666 subjects he is willing to sit down and talk about for hours and hours, to the point you catch yourself looking around for something, anything that could be used as a gag.