I need to ask for a moment of silence and if it's not too much trouble lighting a candle would be appropriate. We are in deep mourning at our house today. I fear The Devil's Advocate will not recover from this devastating blow. The unthinkable has happened. The XBox has passed on. His social life and sense of self worth is severely affected now that he is cut off from his online gaming community. Tonight I will not hear the occasional, but so comforting, screams of "Die, motherfucker!" coming from his bedroom. Without that how will I know he hasn't climbed out his window and joined an armed street gang? I hope we survive the next two days until the new one is delivered. Expensive? Yes, but it keeps him off the streets and you can't put a price tag on that!
Poor child has also suffered another blow this week. He broke up with this week's girlfriend. She was "getting to clingy", which loosely translates to "she thinks I need to call her every day". I don't know this one's name. I don't feel too bad about this since when I ask him what her name was he replied "Jessa...no wait that was the last one!" I don't even try to remember their names anymore, I just call them all "hon", it's easier that way. I suggested he might want to try that tactic too. With my Fibro it takes me longer than a week to memorize their name and by then they are already gone. It doesn't help any that he goes for the same "look", all brunettes with brown eyes. This kid can go from single to committed and then back to single again faster than I can swallow a Klonopin. He can literally go to the grocery store for me and come back with a new
I think McDonald's tried to sabotage us last night. The Devil's Advocate sent me a text from his bedroom(it's hard for him to hear me with the Turtle Box headphones that are permanently attached to his head) about midnight saying "We should go to Sonic and get some ice cream". When there is fast food involved it doesn't take much to convince me and at the time going out in 17 degree weather for ice cream in the middle of the night made perfect sense to me. After fighting off my hysterical pug, who has major separation issues, to get out the door we made a break for it. We didn't turn the outside lights on, just made a run for the car. to get out of the cold. We didn't get far, the next thing I see is my son flipping in the air and landing on the sidewalk. Some idiot had put a table, yes a table, at the edge of our porch leading to the sidewalk. After a few choice words from the both of us we move the table to the side (nothing stops me on a fast food run) and continued on our way. We come back and again make a run for the door, this time to the warmth of the house. Again, my son is ahead of me and does another mid air flip. Whoever the idiot is has moved that table right back into the same spot. Thank God I was carrying the food, if my fast food had scattered all over the porch I would have been going door to door hunting the idiot down with a plastic knife. Nothing comes between me and my fast food! Not being in a hurry and being motivated by the bright lights of a fast food restaurant this time we weren't so nice and threw the table out in the middle of the yard. I get up this morning and there is the table again. Right back in the same spot. I did go door to door this time and no one claims to know anything about this table or who it belongs to. Several also fell over the silly thing last night and this morning, they have also been moving it out of the way. This time my neighbor carries it to the dumpster and shoves it in. My son left a few minutes ago, he probably heard about a new neighborhood he hasn't trolled for girls in yet, and called me on his cell to tell me the table is back again and in the same spot. Not a single person in this complex has seen anyone near this table so we have no idea who is doing this or why. I personally think it is McDonald's. They got wind that we were going to Sonic instead of our usual midnight run to them and this is payback.
Can someone explain to me why men can't just get up and go to bed (better yet, go home) when they are sleepy? Why do they feel the need to lay on the sofa and snore so loudly that I can't even hear NeNe Leaks screaming on The Real Housewives of Atlanta? Do you realize how loud that has to be to drown out NeNe? Why did he even come over here? I was rude, I didn't put out, didn't cook anything, refused to watch stupid combat movies or hunting reality shows, talked to him through a haze of Valium and let my pug climb all over him in the hopes that he would leave and go home. But did he? No, instead he laid on my sofa and irritated me with his snoring and ball scratching. Tonight my phone is on silent and I will pretend to be out of town. If that fails and I get caught I do have several episodes of Toddlers and Tiara's I can force him to watch.