Tuesday, July 31, 2012

The One I Forgot To Tell You About

This was suppose to be included in part 2 of "My Best Friend aka The One Who Helps Me Hide The Bodies" post and I forgot so it gets it's very own post. I think it deserves it as it one of her better acts of tom foolery.

As I told you in part 1, we moved here and met on the same day and lived across the street from each other. My house was slightly larger than hers and had a different layout. One of those neighborhoods where someone came in and used only two floorplans to build the entire place. Mine was set up with the master bedroom on one end of the house and the other two bedrooms on the other end so sex for me was not a problem, well at least not because of my house layout, my husband being gone at the time on a military mission did cause it to come to an abrupt standstill. Rebecca's house, on the other hand was set up with all the bedrooms right next to each other, causing major issues with her sex life. This was back in the day, before they both laid in bed at night and thought of ways to kill each other and hide the body so they wouldn't get caught instead of places to have sex. I had two children at the time, Rebecca being a faster breeder than I was and quite possibly her wider hips might have had some influence on her rapid succession breeding. She doesn't agree, but that is another story and an ongoing debate between us for the last 30 years. Her husband was already out of the military and working for a local company here that ran three shifts (my husband later went to work for the same company, we felt it was safer for us to keep them confined to the same area during the same time periods, less chance of them catching up with us that way).

At any rate finding not only time while swinging back and forth between three different shifts, the amount of teacup humans they had to try and avoid and the sheer layout of their house, sex was not always easy. I am taking her word for this since I have never personally tried to have sex in her house. Well there was that one time I looked out her bedroom window and her neighbor flashed his penis at me, but I'm not sure that really counted. One night they decided to have sex in the living room. Now nothing wrong with that, come on, stop blushing we have all tried it in various places from time to time. Oh and for my email stalkers who love to write and tell me how offensive I am at times, if you fire emails at me over this post I am going to write in graphic detail every single place I have ever had sex in my reply to you. So you decide which is less embarrassing to read, this post or my reply email.

Now our living rooms had a street facing window that was huge. Wall to wall, ceiling to floor. For some unknown reason other than she might be slightly skewed she did not close the curtains that night. I'm not really sure if it would have made a difference in what happened or not, one of those mysteries of life we will never know.

The scene: Approx 1:00am

My house: My children and I had been asleep for hours.

Their house: They were doing the nasty, naked as jay birds in the living room floor.

My house: Suddenly there is a huge explosion, it was so loud you couldn't really tell where it was coming from, the houses all shook. Now my bedroom was in the back of my house so I couldn't see anything outside in the front, all I could think of was my furnace had exploded and I had to get to my kids and get them out of the house. Clothing for me was nothing I even gave a thought too, as we have discussed in previous posts my night time attire leaves a lot to be desired and is quite possibly the reason I have cobwebs in my vagina. Let's just say my sense of night time fashion was the same then as it is now, along the lines of lime green flannel pj's with monkey's all over them. So I just ran, grabbed my grumbling kids, who never even woke up during the explosion and ran out the front door. I quickly looked to make sure it wasn't my friend's house only to see her running stark naked down the middle of the street screaming "Get out! Get out an airplane is crashing!" WTF? An airplane? I didn't see an airplane in the sky, on the ground or coming in my direction.

I looked over and saw Bill and the kids standing calmly in their front yard calmly watching her run down the street, as were almost everyone that lived on the street, except the deaf guy, he missed the whole event. I walked across the street and ask him why the hell she was running down the street naked screaming about airplanes crashing. She is by now out of sight but we can still hear her yelling. He explains:

In the middle of doing the bump and grind comes that explosion, being in the front of the house and with the curtains wide open Rebecca looks up to see a huge ball of fire moving fast. From the angle of her house it looked like it was going to crash through her window right into her house. For some reason, known only to her, she thinks it's an airplane crashing. She screams at Bill to get the kids, two of which were already awake and running down the hallway and out the door she goes to warn the neighbors. She actually forgot she was naked. So I tell him to go get her, he tells me to go get her. The neighbors are looking at us both knowing he is her husband and I am her best friend. All of our kids are literally rolling on the ground laughing. We look at each other and know that ground is not going to open up and swallow us to hide our embarrassment. I decided I had to go get her, Bill throws a blanket my way just as I was getting in the car here she comes walking just as calmly as she could back up the road, naked as can be. I ask her later why she didn't just hide behind something and wait on one of us to come and get her. She said she figured by then she had already made such an ass out of herself that walking back wasn't going to hurt her dignity anymore. She was right.

The explosion? Just a transformer that blew on a power pole and sent a ball of fire down the power line. It was a rather large and impressive fire ball, even the power company agreed, but I still don't get how she saw an airplane out of it.

Before I end this I want to send you over to my good friends new blog, Jay isn't quite the idiot I am, he writes beautiful poetry, has been through a lot and his reawakening has been a little dark but he is a good writer and reading about his journey can be a learning experience for us all and a lesson in not judging by what you see or hear:



13 comments:

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    1. I totally forgot to add in what it was! I will go back and edit it in. No, it was simply a transformer on the power pole that blew and caused a fire ball to travel down the power line.

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  3. Thanks for stopping by and checking me out. Had to return the favor, and I am so glad I did... because this made me LMAO. Too funny!

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    1. Glad to have you, I had the same reaction when I went to your blog, hilarious.

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  4. First of all LMAO! And second of all why not just post the gory details as a blog instead of an email... cause you know some idiot is going to email you so why not save them the trouble and just torture us all in the process? You know you want too haha.

    And also thanks for directing your readers to my blog :) I've had a headache all day so who knows if a post will occur today... I'm thinking not.

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    1. Oh just wait until I get enough idiots emailing, then I post them and my replies to them. Of course I leave out their names. Torture?!!!! So it would be torture to hear of my sexual exploits, now I am just going to start texting you one a day, so the pain comes slowly. It wouldn't bother any of my readers most of them are as warped as I am. It's only those that come anon, never join, just read and then criticize that it bothers.

      Your welcome, your blog is deserving of being read.

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  5. You're so funny Traveling fireballs don't sound simple to me!!!

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    1. Come on Mama, the fireball was nothing compared to her running naked down the road! LOL

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  6. Hilarious posting! Transformers are very loud when they blow up. :)

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    1. Yes and just ask my friend, they can be very bright too, just like an airplane crashing into your house. LOL

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  7. I'll remember this the next time I make an ass out of myself - there's always someone who has it worse. :) Thanks for the laugh!

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    1. I make an ass out of myself on any given day. So the next time you do please come here and feel better. Glad you stopped by! Love your blog!

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