Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Totally Random Thoughts

Since I am in the mood to write but all thoughts of a coherent post have had the life force sucked out of me during my restless night of non-sleep. I slept with a pug last night that wanted all three pillows, made eleventy thousand trips to check the front door to see if The Demon Seed was coming home (he wasn't) as he is her usual sleeping partner, decided to eat in the middle of the night making slurping sounds that can only come from a pug and finally fell asleep on my head snoring loudly in my ear. By this time I was afraid to move for fear of waking her up and having the whole process start again that I laid quietly awake in one position on the sofa for hours, at least I was able to reach the remote control. Yes, the pug is in control and she knows it. But it did give me some time for deep thoughts. I also want to go on record and say that I do not agree with The Devil's Advocate when he says I am the only person in town that takes a cup of hot coffee outside in 100 degree temps and sit on my balcony in my Popeye and Olive Oyl pj's at 11:00 am to drink it. I am sure there are more of us out there.

Ramona Singer from The Real Housewives of New York. Is she normal? I really hate to say it but she really needs to be wearing a helmet and being led around on a keeper's leash. Can they really not look at the woman's googly eyes and her body language and not see that something is seriously wrong with her? Even on the rare occasion her mouth is shut those eyes never stop spinning. She scares the fuck out of me. Her husband isn't much better, the fact that the man can wake up to her every morning and not run screaming confuses me. I don't know if I should admire his fortitude or assume he is bat shit crazy too. I'm going with bat shit crazy, something is a little off with that continuous smile of his. Awful to say but she really does make Kelly Bensimon look sane.

Reformed Smokers, not all of them, just the ones that think putting down that last cigarette gave them the right to judge and preach to others. There should be a mandatory ruling that all reformed smokers live on their own island. To me it's simple, if I am outside smoking then don't come and stand right beside me with your nose in the air, coughing and gasping. Move away, the outside is a big area. My mother falls into this category. The woman smoked for 40 yrs and then quit. I'm proud of her for that but seriously does she really need to say to me "I'm surprised you haven't killed one of those kids yet with your secondary smoke." Really? You didn't kill us with yours. She quit one day, developed a severe smoke allergy the next day and by the third day amnesia had set in, wiping out the fact that she had ever been a smoker.

Diet Drinks. Does it really help to drink a Diet Coke while swallowing a Ding Dong whole? I went to a buffet one night with an acquaintance. This woman piled as much food on two plates as she could possibly get, went back to get a third plate to pile the desserts on and then ask for a Diet Coke. Why? Did she really think that Diet Coke was going to cancel out the 23 pounds of food she had on her plates? Better yet the ones that do the same thing and then ask for ice water to drink because it doesn't "have calories" in it. Bitch it isn't the Coke making you gain all that weight, scrape some of that food off your plate, have a real Coke and enjoy your meal! Passing up the Little Debbie aisle at the grocery will go a long way on your weight loss plan too.

Names. I like unusual names, my own children have unusual names. But come on people give the kid a chance to learn to spell it when they go to school! This has been a debate between Rebecca and I for many years. Like me she likes unusual names, unfortunately though she also likes unusual spellings. Out of all her children, there are only two that you could even tell what the child's name is by it's spelling, it still isn't spelled right but at least it is close enough to make it out. I can't tell you how many times the school has called me to come pick up Yucky when her mother was not available. Her name is spelled Yukie but pronounced UKeeah (ladies and gentlemen this is probably the only time you will ever see someone's real name on this blog), the child has gone her whole life being called Yucky, fortunately when she got old enough she learned to tell everyone her name is simply Kia. She has seven children, so Yucky is just an example, five of those seven are just as mispelled, I will be nice and not out them all.  This is why Rebecca was never allowed to help name any of my children, nope, she couldn't even join in the discussion anymore after suggesting "River" and "Lake" which I liked, but I had to ask her just for fun how she would spell them. Her reply was "Reyvr" and "Lach". Turns out I was right all along and Demon Seed and The Devil's Advocate fit them much better.

Cleaning up dog shit. Please tell me, if you have your dog on a leash and you know it shit one one side of the potty area why in hell do you go to the other side of the potty area to pick it up after going to the little box and getting the plastic baggie they provide? If your memory is that bad, get the damn bag first and carry it with you. I watch this happen over and over where I live.

Why is this stupid man is struggling to push the baby stroller in the grass beside the sidewalk, giving the poor child whiplash. Why not walk on the sidewalk? Are we not suppose to walk on the sidewalk? I must check the lease.

Why does The Demon Seed have only 2 subjects he will willingly sit down and talk to you about? Game systems and computers, not playing them, but building them or modding them.  At best your going to get 15 minutes from him. Yet, his brother The Devil's Advocate has about 666 subjects he is willing to sit down and talk about for hours and hours, to the point you catch yourself looking around for something, anything that could be used as a gag.

10 comments:

  1. Well I do not watch the housewives thing but I just googled said woman and I am not sure how he would wake up to her... shes quite ugly in my mind so I wouldnt be able to do such a thing unless she is phenomenal in many others of life to make up for it. Judging from what you said though, she isn't good at much so she wouldn't make it far with me. Just saying.

    Devil's advocate reminds me of my son. He wouldn't stfu yesterday. Once he starts talking he wont go away even if you fall asleep. I could fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later and he would still be going on about some random thing.

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    1. You have to google her walk down the runway! Considering she never shuts up I doubt she is all that great in other areas, she wouldn't have time. Same here, I can read a book, watch tv, play a game on my phone and look up an hour later and he is still there rambling on. Amazing.

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  2. I was just writing the same type of post. I'm startin to think you're me. or I'm you. Ramona: Isn't normal, did you see when she walked down the runway? If not, look it up. That'd be your answer. Inspite it all, she's doin better than us. We need a REAL HOUSEWIVES show. It would be so much better. Your Mom: Wow, did you blow it right in her face? I would have. Next time she says that, tell her what you wrote. That should shut her up. My mother has amnesia too, but always suffered a severe smoking allergy. Diet Drinks: No I don't think they help when you're washin down Hostess or burgers, plus they taste like shit. Names: http://keepinyouout.blogspot.com/2012/05/whats-in-name.html I think you'll appreciate it. Dog Shit: Can't comment on that as mine only shits on carpet. Grass man, ask him, I dare you. The kids: I need their ages. But is MineCraft involved?

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    1. Well at least we are not Ramona! Or are we, maybe that's why she acts like she does, shit do I look like that with all these rambling thoughts running through my head? Would we even know if we looked like her? The runway? Priceless, I always DVR everything because I have no patience to watch the commercials, I must have ran that walk back 50 times to watch it, hilarious!

      I did tell her exactly what I wrote, she will only repeat it the next time.

      I would have said mine have never shit on the carpet as they always use pads until this morning for some reason the pug took a dump on the rug in front of the toilet.

      I let Grassman slide, I don't like small children so somehow the bobbing head brings a certain kind of pleasure.

      I have no idea what game they play, I don't venture back to the lair unless forced to. Ages, both 17.

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  3. Wow you really do a great job at writing thoughts down after a sleepless night see I have these great blog ideas and then that 30 minutes of actually closing my eyes wipes the slate clean and I GOT NOTHING... I am an ex smoker and I appreciate when smokers smoke away from others in return I wait to have a conversation until they are done and we can meet in the middle of manners. I think you should make a sign that tells that guy with the stroller "HEY Do Not Stroll ON The Grass".
    I am your newest Stalker/follower/friend/Insert your own name for me here LOL

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    1. Welcome Janice, glad you came to read my blog. Sometimes when I get an idea and can't get to the computer to execute it I put it in the memo area of my phone or write it down on something or I will forget it within 15 minutes. Most of the time I have no idea what I am going to write until I sit down to actually do it, that's why such random crap flies around this blog. Thank's for following! I will be over visiting your blog too!

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  4. I could write my own post in response to your post because this rocks! If I handed out awards, this would be worthy of one but I don't because I'm lazy and because people hate tagging each other. Where was I? Ah, yes, comment, Elsie, comment...Coffee, or as I say "cawwfee", in the blazing heat. My dad drank it when we lived in Louisiana. At high noon in 110 degrees, there he was, watching the kids swim in the luke warm pool, drinking his steaming hot coffee while the sun beat down upon him. I never understood as I watched sweat drip from his brow and drank my ice cold water. I used to watch RHWONY and Ramona is a hot mess. Now I watch RHWONJ and love to laugh at Teresa who is also googly-eyed. Hmmm. I'm a former smoker but I don't lecture anyone because I miss it to much...mmmm...cigarettes!! Lastly, at least for me...odd names; I've seen a ton from where I used to work as a property manager. One of my favorites: Desitin - like for diaper rash LMAO

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    1. Thank you, I've often thought about writing down all the random thoughts that go through my head in an entire day. It would probably cause overload and my readers brains would explode.

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  5. OMGosh love the posting. I think because I can relate to some of it (not the pug part tho) Ppl walk their dogs and allow them to poo in my yard and at times it smells like a dogpoopalooza in one corner by my tree. :( I also had my grand kids at the golden arches and a lady there ordered 5 of everything on the dollar menu and added a super sized diet coke. I wondered if that counted on her diet or was that her cheat day? :)

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    1. Glad you liked it, I really thought it would be one that no one would like since it was such a hodge podge of thoughts. WTF is a cheat day all about when your on a diet too? You can eat enough in that one day to cancel out the next three diet days.

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