We all know one of my favorite things is responding to nasty emails about my language and subject matter of my blog. But this one I prefer to embarrass publicly as well as by my return mail. Talking to CrazyMama reminded me of this one so I went back and dug it out of the idiot file to share.
I got an email a couple weeks ago from someone telling me I wasn't a "good mommy blogger" because a good mother wouldn't talk about her children the way I do.
I am_____________I know you don't know me but I am an avid reader of all the Mommy Blogs and I must say when I came across yours from another blog I was astonished at the way you talk about your children and the names you call them. You are not what I would consider a good mommy blogger. Your funny, I will give you that, but I fear for the psyche of your poor children when they read what you write. Do you really want your children to grow up speaking that horrible language you use? I think not. Please consider this and clean up your act and make the world of Mommy Blogging even more enjoyable than it already is.
Let's address his concerns, my reply to him:
I promise you sir, if you lived with demon children you wouldn't be a good fucking mommy blogger either, it's a matter of survival, I get them before they can drag me to the depths of hell where their father lives. Just consider yourself lucky I don't unleash on why a man is out there reading all the Mommy Blogs and critiquing them. Is there perhaps something you need to talk about? For some reason I picture you looking like Richard Simmons. As much as you love the Mommy Blogs, they bore the shit out of me, I prefer honesty and not a bunch of crap someone puts out there to make themselves look like Super Mom when we all know they are shoveling handfuls of sedatives down their throats just to be able to tolerate the little monsters just like the rest of us. I have never been one to read fiction.
Now let's get this straight so you will no longer feel the need to critique or read my blog again. First, I'm pretty sure it says somewhere on this site that I am NOT a Mommy blogger, hell if I had known then what I know now I would have ripped my womb out with my bare hands before ever getting pregnant. I will take full responsibility for being a slow learner and doing it five times before it occurred to me to do just that. Slow learner, hell, I was downright retarded when it came to that. I suppose that word offends you too? Too fucking bad. Is that better?
The names I call them fit, they can be evil. Haven't you ever seen the movie "Children of the Corn"? They are fully aware of the names I call them and find it amusing so I am pretty secure in the fact that their "psyche" is intact and they are just grateful I don't call them something else. Although, it does bother them sometimes when I get mixed up and call them by one of the dog's names, I am also secure in the fact that they will live through that too.
Well you thought wrong and I'm betting it isn't the first time in your life your thinking was a little off. I really don't give two shits what language they use, all my children are over 18, well except two of them and they are only a month shy of 18 so I consider that close enough, plus I have to factor in the fact that they are demon children and this is their native tongue. The only time I was slightly embarrassed by their language, and keep in mind it was so slight that I laughed like a fool all the way home, was the time I picked one of them up after church in the nursery at the age of 2 yrs and ask if he had a good time in there and he responded loudly "Fuckin' A!"
As for cleaning up "my act", I rather like my act the way it is. I can't stand stuffy, judgmental fake people, much like you come off in your email. I can get confused at times so just in case your referring to the other kind of "clean" let me assure you that I wash my arm pits and my vagina every day when I bathe, use deodorant, put on some perfume and just for good measure I powder my pussy too. I mean you have to be prepared in case some salesman comes by that you want to fuck. I'm sure you do the same.
Now just a tiny word of advise, if you don't like a blog, then don't read it. It's very simple to move on to one you do like. I'm sure there are some apple cheeked babies without horns out there somewhere to make you smile.
Thank you for your concern for my life and my children's.
Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze