It's no secret I am a reality TV whore. From the Housewives franchise to Honey Boo Boo, I watch them all. Honey Boo Boo gets on my nerves. I personally would have put that child up for adoption at birth, but the rest of them are hilarious and there is something oddly endearing about them. Farts, belches and all.
Comments made by the brainless squid Porsha and Phaedra on the Real Housewives of Atlanta make it worthwhile. Then we have Kandi who has a late night internet "talk show" that discusses nothing but sex and a line of sex toys but she is also making a gospel album. How could we forget the amazon NeNe who imagines herself a famous actress, sorry hon but I have seen you on "Glee" and now on the "New Normal", forgive me for not watching you on "The Apprentice", but Donald Trump's hair frightens me. My Pug can act better than you and she doesn't even need a script to read to do it. You were much better when fighting with the synthetic wig baby machine, Kim. Let's not forget Phaedra's, the attorney, new endeavors she is going to mortician school and making a Donkey Booty exercise video at the same time. I guess if they don't die in an accident so she can sue someone then she can bury them, ensuring she gets a pay day either way. She might just be on to something good. Cynthia, Cynthia, Cynthia what can I say. You are only one rung up from Porsha on the intelligence ladder and I actually don't understand why everyone is on your husband's ass for being controlling, you need it, your like a clueless 5 yr old. At least you can, unlike Porsha, put a whole sentence together that makes sense, as long as Peter is there for you to glance at every 15 seconds to make sure you use the big words correctly. Poor little Kenya, you're just all kinds of fucked up, aren't you? I think you should take a trip out to Beverly Hills and visit Kim and Kyle. You and Kim would understand each other's full out crazy behavior and Kyle is right on your level of mean girl status. Just try not to look too long at Mauricio, that is one ugly dude, I don't give a shit what his wife says. Another little tip Kenya, you having a benign lump in your breast does not make you a cancer survivor, trust me on this one, no one is going to have a run in your honor while your ride in front of them in a convertible wearing that tattered sash and by now dulled crown you won and put so much importance in for being Miss USA twenty years ago.
I was rolling on the couch when Porsha described herself as her husband's Barbie doll. Not exactly sweety, you're going to have to find a veterinarian willing to trim those teeth down some, could you have meant Barbie's horse? By the time she got around to telling us her husband was perturded with her I was in the floor. I would like to point out to you Porsha that "year round" is actually 365 days a year, not 265 days as you said. Year's don't take holidays sweety. Then she throws out the old "Guilty until proven guilty", by now I can't catch my breath from laughing at her. I am just there floundering in the floor. Week after week she never disappoints me in getting a word or a phrase wrong, most weeks she gets several wrong.
The feud over the dueling booty videos between Phaedra's Donkey Booty and Kenya's copycat Stallion Booty is hilarious. I mean, what the hell, those types of videos have been around for years and who wants an ass that looks like that anyway? Granted it was Phaedra's idea first and when she fired Kenya from producing it then Kenya wants to make one just like it only with a different name. Good luck beating Phaedra dear, she will chew you up and spit you out and have the whole legal system backing her up, I don't think many Miss USA's will be showing up to defend you since almost everyone has already forgotten who you are which explains your need to tell us several times each episode. It's not working well, I still can't remember your last name. But when Phaedra came out that Kenya had a Home Depot booty because it was full of silicone I really thought I would choke to death right there on my couch. If I die please take me to Phaedra's funeral parlor.
I think I have figured out I like these shows because these women are amusing, disrespectful to each other, rude, snarky and mean. I am them, without the money or fame.