Hate

I have no clear idea or theme for this post today. My mind is going a hundred miles a minute. My mother was just rushed to the hospital with a severe gallbladder attack and is going to have to have surgery. She is 84 so I worry. I need to be there but I can't trust my car to drive 700 miles there and back home again and hold up and I can't afford to rent a car. Not to mention it would take every penny I have for the gas there leaving me nothing to live on while there. I know my brothers and sister-in-laws and my Mom's best friend are there, I have talked to all of them and they will be there after she comes home but I still feel bad. I think it  it is time for a couple Klonopins. Today I fucking hate my ex husband for tearing up my new car as he made his grand exit. Actually I fucking hate him everyday for leaving us in the position we are in, but today it's a couple of degrees stronger. I hate him because I can't afford the new glasses I need to see while he makes over $150,000.00 and that's if he doesn't work overtime, which he does every day. I hate him for every vacation he takes, every new car he buys yet he can't buy the boys even an older car, every concert he goes too which is at least two a month, for all the new clothes he buys for himself yet ignores the kids may need some too, for every fancy restaurant he goes out to eat in every week two or three times a week, I hate his nice big condo while we had to go from a 6,000 sq ft house to a small apartment and he still screwed me out of my half of the money for the house, I hate when he breezes in every few months and buys the kids expensive shit they don't need yet never worries about the things they really need, I hate that he only lives three hours away and yet can only manage to see his kids once or twice a year because he is too busy going to the Bahama's or Key West because he needs to relax, I hate that he left when my disease got worse. I hate that he is going to blow threw town on the wings of Satan's breath to watch the boys graduate, walk around and play the big shot. But will he give them anything for the accomplishment. Hell no! I may not even tell him the right date of graduation. Let him show up a day late and rain on his parade. I hate that he let his girlfriend talk hateful and mean to my children, that he let her accuse them of stealing from her and took her side (cause being boys they really wanted that piece of costume jewelry she accused them of taking) letting them know in anyway possible they were not really welcome in their father's house. They may be evil but they are not thieves. She hit a stumbling block a year ago, she wasn't dealing with 11 year old's anymore, she ran straight into a  6'3" 18 yr old with no filter on his mouth, just like his mother, who hates her with a passion equal only to the hate I have for the ex. She ran into a kid that was no longer being told by his mother to play nice, actually he was told to act anyway he wanted and to say anything he wanted to her by his mother. That would be Demon Seed accompanied by his ever present partner, the Devil's Advocate, who gains strength from Demon Seed so while he might have been nice on his own he wasn't so nice either. I'm sure it was really pleasant when their sister, who hates her worse than she would getting syphilis and who has even less filter than her mother does, came to stay with them from Nashville. She wanted to make sure they were being treated right. They all went on a rampage. Did you know that liquid ex lax in the coffee machine does wonders for some people? My kids figured that out all on their own (ok, they might have had a tiny bit of help from someone who holds a PhD degree in nursing and knows just the right dose to use). Three mornings straight in the freezing  cold they got up at 4:00 am just to let the air out of her car tires. On the fourth morning they took her distributor cap off.  On the fifth morning her keys disappeared forever, those things aren't cheap to replace. On the sixth day they all "came down with food poisoning" after she cooked dinner, actually making themselves throw up and of course not a one of the three was able to make it to the bathroom in time and were too "sick" to clean up after themselves. Must I tell you how proud I was of them? I might have even gloated a little bit. But they got the job done and now she leaves and goes to stay with her daughter when they come. I think she fears them, or maybe she just doesn't like diarrhea everyday. The mere mention of their names must make her tremble now. I don't hate her, just the way she has treated my kids and no one comes out unscathed if you treat my kids bad! I hate the way he laughs, I hate the way he snickers, I hate the way he feels superior. I'm also pretty sure I even hate that I ever married him.

I think I even hate that he breathes.

Oh and I redid all the badges to include the last paragraph, some of the design had to be altered some to get it on the other badges. So just pick your favorite and put it up, no voting required. Because today, I hate voting too.